Relationships are hard. They've got their ups and they've got their inevitable downs. It doesn't make anything easier when your significant other gives off every red flag in the book, but you're too dumb to realize it. These people dated some crazy exes and learned from their horrible dating mistakes.

1. Hopefully the pup found an owner without a horrible boyfriend.

Gave away my new pup because I asked him to get her vaccinated.

fairypants /

2. Babe, I was doing a BIT.


My ex proposed to me publicly, at a bar, in front of all of our friends. He liked the way it went so well that he proposed to me two more times at two different bars (we were bar-hopping- LOL). In our hometown. In front of everyone we know. I said yes. Three times. 

So, we set a date and I plan this whole wedding. Buy the dress, set up the hall and the catering. Flowers. Everything. The only jobs he had were to buy/rent tuxedos for himself and his groomsmen and find someone to marry us on the date we had chosen.

It was getting really close to our date and he hadn't done any of the things that he agreed to do. I finally confronted him about it, about a month before this whole event that I had planned, at which time he told me that he was not going to marry me and that he didn't think that I was going to take his proposal(s) so seriously and actually plan a wedding. 

Three times. SMH.

I am happily married to someone else now.

aubrey_25_99 /


Found out after two years that she was engaged. Yeah.

jwood59 /

4. That's next-level jealousy.

So jealous and controlling he sent me hundreds of text messages calling me a slut and c**..t one night. When I blocked him, he sent screenshots to my old phone too of the same messages.

Why you ask?

Because I offered an elderly disabled man my seat on the train. A man of about 70, on crutches, who could barely stand. And apparently this made it was clear I wanted him, and that made me a slut.

Hopefully he's now getting the help he needs. Psycho.

Tilly828282 /

5. My calculator has determined you lie.

After we broke up she called to tell me she was pregnant and needed $600 for an abortion. I did the math and it was impossible I was the father. I told her I wanted to keep the baby and that I'd be happy to take it and she could even terminate her parental rights and not have to pay child support. I would be a single dad. A week later she "miscarried".

rubberseatbelt  /

6. Oh damn. 

My ex bought a new phone and lost all his numbers. Asked me to text him so he can save my number again. As him and I drive home I text him "hey sexy, what's up?" and he responds "hey can't talk right now. I'll text you back in 5."

I figure he's fucking with me and forget about it. As soon as we get home he goes to the bathroom. A moment later my phone lights up:

Ex: "so hey. What's up?" Me: "uhm... not much, you?" Ex: "super horny. Wanna meet up tonight?" Me: "why not right now? Horny too." Ex: "ok will try to make it ASAP. Cool?" Me: "yeah"

A moment later he comes out of the bathroom for the following conversation:

Ex: "I'm actually just gonna head home I think. Don't feel too good. Is that ok?"

Me: "uhm ok..."

Ex: "oh but can you text me real quick so I have your number?"

Me: "sure...."

I send him a text while we stand in the same room: "Hi."

Him: "fuck."

I forgot what exactly happened afterwards but I vaguely remember removing him forcefully from my apartment...

A real keeper, that one.

germanthoughts  /

7. Thanks for staying and listening to my new and improved sexual escapades.

She cheated and for whatever reason I stayed talking to her. She'd leave me on read and hours later describe how much better the other dude was at sex. I know that if happened because of my mistake but damn that one hurt me for a while.

Insectshelf3  /

8. At least you got jacked.

She asked me to do a triathlon her brother was doing and she was going to watch his son. I have never done one before but she told me she really thought it would be good for me and would be proud of me if i did it. So I did. It was a whole weekend camping trip. It rained the whole time.... we got there on Friday, I unpacked set up, cooked, cleaned and did everything the whole trip. Her brother apparently forgot to register so it was just me doing the triathlon then, which was on Sunday. Woke up at 5am, jumped in the coldest water I have ever been in to start but finished it (it was a mini triathlon so like swim half a mile, 26 mile bike ride and a 5k run but still that's a lot for me). Anyway, ended went back to camp. She made me pack everything up, then told me if I could put the tent in the original cardboard box it was in, not just the bag it was in. When I said she was welcome to do it herself she told me her ex had no issue doing it (mind you I'm exhausted from you know the god damn triathlon and she just watched me pack up everything alone). I put it in the box but ripped it halfway down. Didn't give a shit. Drove the 3 hours home and she broke up with me on the car ride home because "she just didn't see any potential in me anymore". So yea good times.

Bobbytom /

9. An angry microwave toss ends every fight.

Put it this way: one of my fondest memories of her is the time she threw a microwave at me, because she was angry at me for forcing her to cheat on me, apparently.

It was still plugged in.

The microwave came within a foot or so of me, then the cord caught and yanked it right back towards her. We both lost our shit laughing and gave up on the fight.

That's the most wholesome memory I have of her after 8? years. The time she failed to beat my ass with my own microwave. Everything else was shittily calculated, selfish, or downright lazy.

ginger_whiskers /

10. The year later texts, I will never understand.

My very first girlfriend was a couple years older, very pretty, and constantly praised my "kind and sweet spirit". We met in a writing group and I was fresh out of the closet, so I was (understandably, I think) pretty stoked a girl like her was into me.

She got upset with me for not texting her while I was at church, going so far as to tell me that she was real and God wasn't. I wasn't terribly religious and was there so my friend's mom could drop me off after a sleepover, so it wasn't all that effective, but our relationship soured pretty quickly after that, with her becoming quicker and quicker to anger over small things. She broke up with me on my birthday. 

Our last contact was when she showed my nudes to a guy she was trying to hook up with and then texted me that he was down for a threesome. A year after she broke up with me.

send_me_ur_waifu /

11. "Trust me, you'll love this next move. I do it all the time with my hemorrhoid cream."

I had an "ex" (we didn't actually date, I was just casually seeing the guy to see if t would work before I actually committed to him) and we were together for 2 months. In this two months he:

• bought me lots of jewelry that was not in my taste

• told me he wanted to marry me and he loved me daily

• did not disclose to me that he had HPV until after we had been together a few times

• frequently offered to finger my ass because he thought he was an expert at it since he fingered his own ass all the time to apply his hemorrhoid cream

• would start fights for fun just to test me

• told me all of his mental and emotional baggage, then because I said I wanted fairness and equality in a relationship said I owed it to him to tell him all of my personal secrets and stories

When I ended things he went on a week long bender, treated any waitress with the same name as me like shit, and talked badly about me to anyone with ears because I didn't say "I love you" back to him and did not want to entertain the thought of marriage or butt diddling.

CalmAmidstChaos  /