Twitter can be a rough place - there's lots of harrassment, Nazis, threats, and general arguing and drama that you find in most places online. But also? Some pretty funny people, making some pretty funny tweets. Here are some of the best ones lately:
1. A quick reminder that Scottish Twitter is absolutely the best version of Twitter.
Why dae folk ask babies stupid shite lit "Ur getting big arent ye?" As if the wee cunts gony be like aye Moira yer spot on am oan the protein pic.twitter.com/Lc1d4pkuTU-- tian unsolved (@_lMWE) August 13, 2018
2. Truly cartoon skeletons represent the duality within us all.
COMEDY= a skeleton playin his ribs like a xylophone-- Elvish Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) August 13, 2018
TRAGEDY= skeleton cant hear music bc he got bones for ears
3. Finally, taking care of the oppressed.
As a fat bloke who likes to BBQ I was very impressed when I discovered ASDA now has designated parking spaces for my people. pic.twitter.com/adZToZ3srU-- Luke (@ComradeMillsy) August 9, 2018
4. Millennials love to kill the napkin industry but also leave private prisons alone.
FOR REAL THOUGH IF MILLENNIALS HAD THE POWER TO KILL ENTIRE INDUSTRIES DO YOU REALLY THINK WE'D BE LIKE "LOL MAYONNAISE IS DONE BUT THE STUDENT LOAN INDUSTRY CAN STAY"-- NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) August 13, 2018
5. Truly, there has never been more Waluigi content than today. We are all blessed.
People say we're in a "golden age of television" but I disagree. We're in a golden age of photoshopping Waluigi into places Waluigi wouldn't normally be. It can't be the golden age of two things.-- Jordan_Morris (@Jordan_Morris) August 13, 2018
6. I propose we rename all children "lower case adults."
lower case and upper case pic.twitter.com/L9HREy0pJt-- maoexe (@maoexe) August 13, 2018
7. It's true - people who claim "everyone's always offended these days" are usually the most easily offended people imaginable.
"Back in my day we weren't so easily offended!"-- Melanie (@PoliteMelanie) August 12, 2018
Back in your day you'd go crazy if a black person drank out of the same water fountain as you.
8. Gonna be honest - not entirely sure if I've ever actually taken money OUT of venmo...
modern friendship is just sending the same $20 back and forth via venmo, forever-- Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 13, 2018
9. Before you ever get mad at a service industry worker, you should have to spend one week serving tables at Steak 'n Shake. You will never blame them for anything ever again.
me: h--- sam higgins (@hamsiggins) August 11, 2018
steak n shake employee, through tears: it's gonna be about a fuckin hour okay?
10. "Why is 'baby back ribs' literally the ONLY thing on the menu?"
I know I'm a bit of a worrywart, but I think this restaurant's going to serve me a baby. pic.twitter.com/O08Z4gNM93-- Mike DiGuglielmo (@mikediggy) July 29, 2018
11. You're doing the lord's work there, apostrophe.
Possibly the most important apostrophe I've ever seen pic.twitter.com/bmktVOzXOQ-- Andy (@ImACultHero) August 10, 2018
12. This kid is a goddamn genius.
My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.-- David Juurlink (@DavidJuurlink) August 12, 2018
13. This is exactly how I imagine things would go if I ever met Bill Murray.
Bill Murray pic.twitter.com/vTMlX1gbvW-- Dan White (@atdanwhite) August 13, 2018