1. If you can't talk to your dogs, who can you talk to?
I love overhearing dog owners talking to their dogs-- Julia Galef (@juliagalef) July 17, 2018
eg, I was petting this dog who seemed happy but then suddenly growled at me, so I left
As I turned the corner I could hear his owner saying to him reproachfully, "You always do this, Oscar, you drive away all your friends"
2. My adult friends are all Animal Crossing characters.
Maintaining friendships as an adult pic.twitter.com/2u2gIR2Unp-- CT (@IndoorHeroes) July 17, 2018
3. That would explain why he keeps hallucinating a talking bear.
Did he murder someone pic.twitter.com/ktp4ni43W4-- Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 17, 2018
4. How else are you gonna do it?
[first day as a horse whisperer]-- Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) July 17, 2018
are we all collectively going thru some shit https://t.co/eidcI01JGr-- junebug (@angelamyv) July 17, 2018
6. At least they got fired for a good reason.
one time my boss said "salad, as a food, sucks" and this other guy was like "as opposed to like, salad as a shirt?" and that guy lost his job a few weeks later-- Mike F (@mikefossey) July 18, 2018
7. The greatest comedian of our time.
Seth Rogen: what if we... weed HuhahUahahau-- 2star Birthday review (@xMangojuice) July 18, 2018
14yr old me: fuck lmao rewind it this parts so fucking funny
8. That poor dog...
Every fail compilation video features a transition from, like, a dog comically attempting to get a large stick through a gate to a rally car plowing into a crowd of children at 100 mph-- Stefan Heck (@boring_as_heck) July 17, 2018
9. I would absolutely pay $80 for this.
this is the most fuckin urban outfitters shit i've seen in my life pic.twitter.com/ATBNYxlazs-- Brandon Wardell (@BRANDONWARDELL) July 17, 2018
10. This is a lewk!
so i ordered this hoping to look like him but i really just look like a gay priest. just thought i'd share in case you're in need of a good laugh pic.twitter.com/v1Vy6xnPkQ-- joshua david™ (@joshxdavid) July 16, 2018
11. This is brilliant...
Witnessed a camp counselor herding a slew of kids onto the A train, lying to them and insisting that it was the quiet car. A hero-- Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) July 18, 2018
12. I'm scared already!
haunted house character ideas:-- Sam Chapman (@siouxsie_orman) July 18, 2018
-a call from an unknown number
-person FaceTiming w/out headphones in public
-libertarian hometown acquaintance commenting on the NYT editorial you shared
-friend who asks you to Venmo her 3.50
-student loan portal