1. I call fake, those 2 animals aren't friends.
[animal meeting at the zoo]-- David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 8, 2015
Lion: you're late. We said meet at sunset
Giraffe: I can still see the sun you fucken midget
2. A harsh truth.
The fact that we know chameleons exist means they are worthless idiot failures-- Paige (@PeachCoffin) September 19, 2014
3. Nobody fucks with a kangaroo and gets away with it.
4. Thank god. Marvin lives another day.
source / Twitter.com
5. Cool I'll be there.
having a gender reveal party tomorrow for the hamster i just got at petco. nothin crazy just gonna flip it over and see if it has a dick or whatever-- ԼƖԼ ƁƠƬƬƠMƬЄҲƬ (@_ericcurtin) January 27, 2018
Friend: What is your spirit animal?-- Andrew Schiavone (@aschiavone) July 12, 2018
Me: Soft shell crab, because I'm sensitive
Friend: That's pretty dumb
Me: *cries and walks away sideways*
7. Tim, take some time off. Relax. Take a vacation.
INVENTOR OF GLUE: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff.-- MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) April 1, 2017
TIM: Dude...is everything okay at home?
8. lol naaah oh shit wai-
t-rex: aye look a shooting star make a wish-- mason (@mason_jay42) February 3, 2018
raptor: i wish i was dead
t-rex: aye that shit looks kinda close dont it
9. They're older and wiser now.
My new thing is finding birds that look like they are twice divorced pic.twitter.com/IYKmIplUFv-- Cheish (@TheCheish) January 21, 2018
10. It's an INVESTMENT.
Her: You spent our entire life savings on dogs-- Zilla (@GoodZiIIa) August 29, 2016
Me: They're golden retrievers, Karen. They retrieve gold. I did it for us
11. Good point. From now on the phrase is 'serious goose'.
Why is "silly goose" a phrase have u ever met a goose they are the most serious and powerful dinosaur lookin monsters I've ever encountered not one of them is silly-- Natalie Ray (@_natalieray) May 7, 2018
12. That's some serioud doggo love.
husband stayed home from work cuz our dog was coughing. We took him to the vet and paid 85$ for him to tell us OUR DOG WAS FAKE COUGHING-- WhereTheMildWingsAre (@Kennnaughty) November 2, 2017
13. How have giraffes made it this far?