Hello, it is me, the person who made this list. I want you to have a big old smile, is that a crime? If it is lock me up. I do not belong on these streets. Your joy is all I want. I want you smiling where ever you read these. A smirk on the train or a giggle in traffic, perhaps even a chuckle on the toilet as you feel the water splash back. My passion is your joy and I was once called the most passionate man on this side of the Okeechobee.
1. I wonder if there's crack rock in the pockets.
They're selling Dave Chappelle's crackhead outfit at Banana Republic. pic.twitter.com/j51uu3fiFY-- Curtis Cook (@Curtis_Cook) May 10, 2018
2. Someone will find something wrong about this tweet to bring up.
to err is human; to point it out with glee, is internet-- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 9, 2018
3. That is seriously... like, so cute.
Grimes and Elon Musk looking up fancy restaurants pic.twitter.com/Pu8kWW3kOC-- joy ann reid's hacker (@amcnal) May 8, 2018
4. Worth the wait.
Waaaaaaaaaaaait for itpic.twitter.com/NgibSnfrPI-- Daniel Zennon (@dzennon) May 9, 2018
5. I study rocks.
me meeting someone new when im 80 years old: so what's ur major-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 10, 2018
6. The babe has got to chill!
We bought this huge crinkly foil blanket because it is specifically designed to keep the cat from sitting on the couch pic.twitter.com/v2MrU42ILb-- OAKLEY (@thatbilloakley) May 8, 2018
7. It is us, the billionaire respecters
if you tweet something mean about a billionaire 18 people will reply with "yeah? well did YOU build amazon? i dont think so!" and you got me- i didn't make a company where employees pee their pants because they're afraid to take a bathroom break-- the hippo account (@InternetHippo) May 10, 2018
8. It will be excellent
Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter will team up for Bill & Ted 3 after 27 years pic.twitter.com/ATEcmi6Vr6-- Classic Pics (@Classic_picx) May 9, 2018
9. No... NO!!!
Me: um waiter-- Trevor Lyon (@LyonatLarge) May 5, 2018
Me: I'll have what I'M having, cause I ordered it
Waiter: I can't believe you've done this
10. A crime punishable by death
Just cat called a dog 😔-- D'Arcy Carden (@DarcyCarden) May 9, 2018