We sifted through the billions of political tweets that you may or may not be sick of seeing to find some absolute Twitter gems. These are the tweets you will remember for like, at least the remainder of the day. You're welcome.
1. I smell a sequel.
What if all the snakes on that plane were emotional support snakes?-- Tinker Elle (@elle91) April 20, 2018
2. Awesome, she is so accepting.
My gf texted me back after I told her I'm canceling our plans 2nite cuz I wanna drink beer w/ my friends instead& she's totally cool w/ it. She told me "do whatever u want. I find it funny..."-- Zach Svobodny (@ZachSvobodny) April 19, 2018
I didn't bother reading the whole message cuz I'm driving but I'm glad she's not mad
3. See also: Item not ringing up? Guess it's free!
me: can I get you anything else?-- 𝒌𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒂 ♛ (@fvckseaworId) April 17, 2018
customer: yeah, a million dollars
Perfect pic.twitter.com/0RvqIpVtaJ-- Dubstep or Rap (@tom_on_here) April 19, 2018
5. Hi there, Champ.
her: hey daddy-- Billy ☭🍒🏺🇸🇾 (@biIIosopher) April 19, 2018
me, flustered: hey sport
6. Seems weird but jobs are tight.
*job interview*-- Ray of Sunshine (@muyrando) April 18, 2018
Wonka: Any questions?
Oompa Loompa: So we just go out and start singing whenever a kid dies?
7. Breaking Bad theme gets me PUMPED.
please enjoy my new character guy with the worst workout playlist pic.twitter.com/4JUxaFYtoY-- Ryan Creamer (@ryguyguyry) April 20, 2018
8. Next time I will not kill the intruder fly. It will become my bro.
flies..... they're just like us pic.twitter.com/Bdtvjbj7dV-- audible gasp (@morninggloria) April 19, 2018
9. Yo, Weird Al, get on this.
Okay Jeff Buckley's "hallelujah" but replace hallelujah with big beluga pic.twitter.com/ccrvHybGDe-- Hannah Grant (@pissqueen1) April 20, 2018
10. But...but they're comfortable.
Gentle reminder boys pic.twitter.com/fzI6eQ6aHC-- vivienne clore (@Vivienneclore) April 19, 2018
11. Maybe get that checked out.
The more I eat the hungrier I get. It's like some sort of food benjamin button shit-- christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 20, 2018
12. Something doesn't quite fit the pattern.
(Pixar Meet & Greet)-- Archie (@BeginsWithKaye) April 18, 2018
Buzz Lightyear: I'm a talking toy
Dory: I'm a talking fish
Lightning McQueen: I'm a talking car
Guy from UP: My wife died
Dory: I'm a talking fish
13. Oh snap.
child: where do babies come from-- jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) April 17, 2018
me: staying in your hometown after high school