There's no shame in buying a sex toy from time to time, but did you know there's practically a darkweb of weird sex shit readily available on Amazon? Well, we're here to enlighten your fetishes with 8 of the weirder sex products we found.
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1. A Wolf Cock
I think we all know there are 1,000s upon 1,000s of dildos available for purchase on the internet, but did you know animal dildos were a thing? Not only can you buy the afformentioned wolf cock, but there's horse cocks, dog cocks, and even elephant trunk dildos cuz hey, those are cock-like enough.
So whether you're way too into animals, or just simply bored of regular ole human dongs, these can be purchased for around $20. I'm not sure if that's a good price for fake animal schlongs, but I gotta assume it's competitive.
Sure, this product seems more of a joke than anything, but for a mere $1,500 this joke can become a reality and you could be lubed up for a lifetime.
The best thing about this product is not the eternity of slippery wetness, but quite possibly the Amazon Q & A's. Look at these gems:
So forget buying a used car or making a down payment on a house. Next time you're gonna shell out big cash, invest in a lube drum. For your future kids' sake.
This product is a bit baffling. It appears to be a dildo attached so a flimsy inflatable ball. Something that does not seem to be sturdy enough to withhold human weight, which begs the question: how exactly can you even use this product?
Also, look at this embarrassment when it's deflated:
This is how it will look stored away in your closet for 99% of it's life, until one of your friends stumbles upon it and you have to move to another state.
This thing has 0 reviews and rightfully so. You wanna hear what people have to say about this product? Too bad. If you buy this, you will be the first person to ever do so. A kink pioneer.
Other possible, better uses for this thing:
- Bring it to the beach as a prank volleyball.
- Bring it to work and use it as one those posture improving balls, but secretly it's inside of you.
- Fill it with helium and send it on a journey to heaven.
4. Dildo GUN
Hell yes. Finally someone has combined my love of sex toys and WEAPONS. This dildo GUN has more features than the passenger seat of your dad's new Ford Explorer.
It can vibrate. It can thrust. It has HEAT CONTROLS. The goddamn thing has a remote so you can use it from afar. This is the most hi-tech thing you'll ever have inside you.
Have you ever been cranking it and been like, "You know what this is missing? Spikes. Frightening spikes."
I guess if you wanna know what it's like to fuck some sorta underwater sea creature or Guy Fieri's oily hair spikes, you can find out for just 10 bucks. Not a bad deal, but there's not many left in stock because apparently there's a lot of weird-ass jack-off freaks out there (not judging).
6. This Thing
I'm unsure even what this contraption is. It looks like someone modded one of those walkers that old people use by adding a bottom shelf-dick to it.
How does one use the dildo? How is this better than a dildo not attached to a contraption? There's a lot of questions that go unaswered, but I'll be damned if I'm not buying one after looking at this review:
And for just ~$100, it's a deal I can't pass up.
This item is perfect if you like penis vibrators or have always wanted your dick to look like it's wearing one of those beer chugging helmets:
Probably don't wear the dick one to a sporting event, though. Or do. Who am I, event security?
This thing actually has tons of positive reviews, so maybe this one isn't so weird after all.
8. And Last, But Not Least: A Cock With An Ass
It's official: every sex toy imagineable has been created.
And as always, let's be thankful that Amazon uses discreet shipping :)