Working in customer service is a job only Satan himself could have come up with. Not only do you have to deal with assholes all day, but you have to deal with stupid assholes.
And it's clear that there's nothing worse that a self-assured Grundle Gobblin who is dumber than a stack of lunch meat.
At least you won't feel so alone after reading these horror stories by the poor souls over at /r/AskReddit!
I worked in call centers for a brief moment and you get connected with some very weird people.
Me : "OK are there any lights on the modem?"
Cx : "no its unplugged. I unplugged it because I didn't like the lights"
Me : "oh... Well the modem needs to be plugged in to work"
Cx : "I don't want to get out of bed, can't you send the signal from your end?"
Me : "...no, it's physically disconnected, you need to plug it in. I'm just on the phone with you"
Cx : "I don't get why you're giving me the run around"
"My laptop won't turn on!"
"Did you plug it in and charge the battery?"
"NO! This is a laptop! It doesn't need to be plugged in!"
"Ma'am, the battery still needs to be charg..."
"LISTEN! This is a laptop!"
Used to do tech support for Verizon and a lady called in yelling at me for shutting down her wifi.
Asked for her account info - she doesn't have an account.
Asked her why she called us then and she described the screen that shows up when you don't pay your bill.
She continued to adamantly claim she has no Verizon account and it is illegal for us to shut down her wifi because we don't own the air.
Finally helped her log into her router to get some info and pulled up an account with a different name on it.
She recognizes that name as her neighbor.
Spent the next while trying to get her to understand that she'd been using her neighbor's connection but the neighbor didn't pay the bill so there was nothing I could do. (probably not supposed to discuss the neighbor's billing issue without permission but I'd already told her that screen was from unpaid bills before we figured out it was her neighbor)
Don't think I ever got her to stop telling me I was violating her rights by not allowing her to use the WiFi in her own home...
That call happened to be randomly recorded for QA... My manager, entire team, and multiple training classes thereafter got a good laugh out of it...
The ice dispenser broke at the fast food joint I used to work at. As a temporary fix while we waited for the repair guy to come take a look at it, we set out a giant serving bowl full of ice with tongs, so people could still ice their drinks. About 10 minutes after putting out the ice bowl, a customer comes up to me to complain that the machine isn't dispensing ice.
I tell him, "We know. A repair guy was called, but he's not here yet. In the meantime, there's a bowl next to the soda fountain, so you can still get ice."
The guy immediately gets an attitude about it. "How do I know that ice hasn't been sitting out there all day?"
I stare at him for a good few seconds before saying, "Because it's still solid."
"If left out at room temperature 'old ice' would just be water."
"I want to speak with your manager.
"Your total comes to $32.23"
"I only have $20."
"Can I still have it?"
I used to work in a store that sold stuff for getting organized and we carried step ladders for people who might be putting stuff up on high shelves. We had two different models which were completely identical except one had two steps, and the other had three steps. And the larger one cost like $5 mor
One night the store was completely dead when this guy walks in and asks if we have step ladders, so I show him the two choices. He asks all these questions about which one I think is better and whether I recommend one or the other and a bunch of other inane stuff and all I can tell him is that the ONLY difference is the extra step and about $5 in price. So the guy says, "Ok let me think about it for a minute." So I leave him to it.
He ponders this life-altering choice for an hour. He calls his wife to discuss it four times. After endless hemming and hawing he ends up not buying either one, and leaves us with the parting words, "I don't know. I think three steps may just be a little too much ladder for me."
I honestly don't know how someone that indecisive even manages to dress himself in the morning.
Worked at a gas station. I watched a customer pull up, whip her door open and slam it against the large, shiny silver pole that protects cars form running into gas pumps. She then proceeds to furiously get out, scream with her head facing the heavens, and run into the gas station telling me I need to be more careful where I place those.
The thing has been cemented into the fucking ground for over twenty years.
I made lentil soup for the kitchen I worked in as a teen, but I put the carrots in later than I should have and so they still had a slight crunch when the first customer bought a cup. He stormed back in after a few minutes and demanded his money back because he was going to get food poisoning from eating an uncooked carrot.
"I have a coupon for a free sandwich, but I don't know where it is."
"So....you don't have a coupon?"
"No, I SAID that I have a coupon but. I. don't. know. where. it. is!!!!!!"
This argument lasted long enough to get the manager out of her office, in part because of how stupid it was.
Worked at Burger King, had a really busy rush, line all the way to the door. This guy comes in and gets in line, real shitty look on his face. He waits in line for about 5-10 minutes (anger building), gets up to my register and screams while waving a Taco Bell bag at me " You forgot my sour cream"
I was dumbfounded at how the guy could have waited in line, with all the pictures of burgers every where, and the completely different color scheme. So I told him I would go get my manager (she was a real old and crankier kind of lady, rough around the edges.)
As I come back I can see the guy has this odd look on his face, like its starting to sink in, my manager comes up and I tell her " We forgot the sour cream for his tacos". She looks at me, rolls her eyes harder than I have ever seen anyone roll their eyes, and turns around and walks back to her office.
The guy looks at me, he is starting to look nervous, his brain knows something is wrong.. I point out the window, he looks out the window, sees the Taco Bell next door. He was out the front door fast, bright red, not a word.
C: Can I keep these indoor plants outside?
M: Well, they are tropical plants and we live in Canada so they would be fine for the summer, but you would need to bring them inside during fall and winter.
C: Ok, but what will happen if I just leave them outside for winter?
M: ...They will die.
C: Ok, but what can I do to keep them alive?
Had an argument with a customer that there is no such thing as a uppercase "5". So when he was typing in his email password, he was typing a "%" in his password instead of a "5".
I used to work at Red Lobster. A lady asked me for suggestions on something healthy. I suggested grilled salmon. She promptly turned down the idea, saying she heard it was full of fat. She then ordered a fried seafood platter with double butter and sour cream for her baked potato and double ranch dressing for her salad.
Had someone come into our office for a consultation. He was clearly slurring his speech, couldn't stand and reeked of alcohol.
"Sir, have you been drinking."
"No, I don't drink."
"You smell like alcohol and appear drunk."
"I don't drink, I'm just sipping."
When the Nintendo DS was released with the Brain Training games we had several middle aged and older customers come in to buy the game but didn't own the Nintendo DS "No I don't want the Nintendo thing I just want the game." I started asking "What colour DS do you have?" to find out
After confirming she didn't own a DS, one lady told me "I used to work in sales, I know you're trying to upsell, it's not going to work."
Most of the time they thought they could put it in their computer somewhere or ask their children for help.
When I worked at a bank I had a customer come into the branch angry because his account was overdrawn. I looked at the account and noticed several checks had gone through so I told the customer who got even madder because how could his account be overdrawn when he still has blank checks in his checkbook.
Dude truly believed that checks were like cash.
Cellphone store right before the dawn of the smartphone
Customer: "I need my information off my old phone."
Me: "Okay where is it?"
Customer: "At the bottom of a lake."