Weddings are suppsed to be this beautiful, often ornate, occasion that celebrates the uniting of two people in love and the life that lays ahead of them.
The event is expected to be perfect, filled with joy and merriment, dancing and celebration.
But we know that most of the time, disasters are bound to happen. I mean, putting bitter single people in a room with obxnoxious family-in-laws, a roaring bridezilla and a crapton of booze, you've got the recipe for a shitshow cocktail.
And lord only knows how long it will take for a drunken family fist fight (our bets are on Cousin Earl punching Uncle Gus for eating the last shrimp cocktail).
At a cousin's wedding my uncle was smashed and thought he'd had a stroke in the bathroom as he couldn't straighten himself. Turned out he'd buttoned his waistcoat to his trousers and couldn't stand up.
Was at a wedding this summer. The groom's family absolutely tore their son/brother apart during the speeches. They didn't say one loving thing, and went on to talk about all the mistakes he made during this life. The worst thing they brought up was how he was responsible for a car accident that put someone in a coma. I was cringing.
Edit: Oh and one more travesty: dinner wasn't served until 10 p.m.
One of my best friends weddings.....The groom got so drunk that he straight disappeared from the reception. Shit got real awkward when it was time for the wedding to be OVER. The venue was kicking us out and the bride and groom were supposed to take off in their vintage car and drive off to their honeymoon suite. The music went off, lights went on, and it turned into the guests searching for the damn groom. My husband finally found him in the parking lot basically face down on his lips. He helped him back into the wedding which was basically the most awkward walk of shame past the bride's glaring dad and grandfather. The groom was too drunk to drive brides grandfather drove them to the hotel suite (which was a 30 minute drive). My friend (the bride) later told me that when they got in the room, her new husband, passed out cold on the bed and she had to wander the halls in her wedding dress looking for someone to unhook her dress for her so she could get out of it. :-(
For the bouquet toss, a middle-aged guy forced his middle-aged girlfriend out onto the floor, then stood by her so she couldn't leave. The bouquet was caught by an excited little girl. The guy proceeded to yank the bouquet out of the little girl's hands, gave it to his middle-aged girlfriend, then ran off the floor cheering loudly to high-five one of his buddies. The little girl ran away crying.
During the best man speech, the best man proposed to the maid of honor. Totally stole the night from the bride and groom. Now the best man and maid of honor are in the process of divorcing.
Edit: holy shit this exploded. Ok, so to clear up something a lot of people have been asking: the bride and groom DID NOT know this was going to happen. No one did.
At the reception, the bride received a tip to go out to the parking lot where she found her new husband making out with his ex gf. The ensuing fight came inside the hall and the party screeched to a halt. Both families were displeased and stuck him with ALOT of bills. We kept our gift.
The brides father had a heart attack while they were reading their vows. He didn't make it. Not a great way to start a marriage.
I was an event manager at a mansion that did a lot of weddings so I've seen my fair share of wedding shitshows.
My favorite is probably the one where the entire wedding party started drinking at noon for a 6pm wedding. The groom passed out around 5 and we couldn't get him up. So I made him a a ham sandwich and propped him up in his bed while I handfed him.
Managed to get him and his boys down to the courtyard and then had to run back in and herd the women down. The bride spilled her mimosa all over her dress, two of the bridesmaids couldn't find their shoes, but everyone was super happy and nice.
There were about 150 people at the reception and every single one of them got absolutely hammered. The mother of the bride kept sneaking up on me hugging me and the groom made me pose for some photos with them. They also gave me all the leftover wedding cake and a few bottles of wine. I miss them.
There was this guy outside of the hotel walking up to groups of people in the smoking area, asking how much each person weighed. He was very overweight himself, and his jeans looked to be on inside out. He was severely underdressed for the occasion, and no one seemed to know him. Anyways, he would ask a persons weight, and then exclaim "I can bench that!". Until one guy (I think he was a family member of the bride) got into an argument with him and started asking around if anyone knew this person, figuring that he was a wedding crasher. That's when this gentleman decided to cut a deal with everyone. "If I can pick up that bench with my bare hands, can I stay for the party?" To which everyone agrees, because the bench was clearly bolted to the ground. So, he walks over, puts his hands on the bench, crouches down, and with all of his might... shits his pants in front of everyone. He stood up and waddled off through the parking lot to never be seen again. I did hear throughout the night people talking about a guy who was on shrooms outside, trying to lift a bench. So, I guess he was also tripping balls.
There was like an 8 year old boy who had loads of confetti in his hand so I didn't think much of it, turns out he thought it was sugar paper and ate all of, he then proceeded to projectile vomit everywhere through the middle of the ceremony. Was one of the funniest and most disgusting moments of my life
Bride's step-mother and mother got into a fight. Step-mother bit the mother. Wedding went to a screeching halt.
At my own wedding reception, I saw my wife's grandma, who was about 98, very slowly and with a terrible sense of inevitability fall sideways off her chair. She remained in a sitting position but just slooowly tilted sideways til she was on the floor, still in the exact same pose.
It sounds shitty but all I could think was "fucksake don't die at our wedding please don't die at our wedding"
Luckily she was fine, and lived for another few years to see her 100th birthday.
I was an attendant in my best friend's wedding. Her father walked her down the aisle and while he was not visibly drunk, he had a hard time walking behind her to sit in the pew. He stepped on her dress ripping it from her back down to her ass (her thong was red). They had to stop the wedding so that she could find safety pins.
Ex boyfriend of the bride got super drunk at the reception and started rambling loudly (heard by half the reception hall) about how the marriage was wrong and how she was the love of his life.
He was there with his then new (presumably imminently ex) girlfriend. Fuck knows why she invited him.
I've said this before on here but they didn't have any tables or chairs.
We had nowhere to sit or to put our plates down. Everyone had to hold their food standing up and put their drinks down on the ground.
Since there were no chairs to make an aisle for her to walk down she just kind of strolled through the crowd while people were confused and talking.
"Where are the chairs?" was the theme of the wedding.
I was a close friend so our group sent me to ask her why there were no tables and chairs and she simply said "Oh you have to pay extra for that."
Edit: This was NOT a casual outdoor quick wedding or anything like that. Traditional wedding. 5 hours total including ceremony. Full buffet and open bar. 200 guests. She was not caught off guard in any way. This is one of my closest friends. They decided not to pay for them. That's it.
And since this is blowing up I may as well add in the tid- bit that during the speech portion people were talking and complaining so loudly (where are the chairs?? Am I supposed to sit on the ground??) that the groom took the mic and screamed at the top of his lungs for everyone to, and I quote: "shut up! I said shut up! Shut the hell up or leave now!" .. a lot of people left.
OMG I texted someone else who was at the wedding to see if they remembered and their response is fucking amazing. Apparently the exact same thing stands out to them as well: