Let ye who has not also been a major fucking idiot at times for no apparent reason cast the first stone upon these major morons. We are all stupid as hell and we must celebrate it.
1. I've never been more proud of you son. Via Zero08821
I once said
"Mom look at me I'm in a cartoon"
Then proceeded to jump on a wood handle rake that was laying on the ground.
It sounded like thunder went off in my head, and my mom said it sounded like when a Major League Baseball player hits a home run.
I had a concussion, and learned that day that I am in fact not a cartoon character.
2. That's what these tests are for, bguzewicz
When I was like 12 I found out golf balls bounce extremely well on pavement. So obviously I wanted to see how high I could bounce it. I threw the ball as hard as I could straight down, and it ricocheted straight back up. Directly into my face.
3. If only there was some sort of better way, Scoldingice
I used to drink cans of soda by stabbing them with a push pin/thumb tack. If I just pulled it out there would be a stream of wasted soda. So I would pull the tack out with my teeth while creating a seal with my lips. One time I accidentally swallowed the tack. One emergency room visit and a few x rays later i was sent home to dig through my poo. I was 14.
4. Hit em with the ol' Ladybird razzle dazzle, 50ftBeast
Was a backseat passenger in my friend's car and decided to open the door and just kind of roll out while driving down the street.
5. That ol book won't give you trouble ever again, pops. Via Sooperwhooper
We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said "get rid of this". So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway.
That was over ten years ago, I still get shit for it.
6. Quite polite, winsomelosemore
Maybe not the dumbest but a recent one on my mind. I was in my office with the door closed. Got up from my desk to walk out and knocked on the door before opening it and walking into the hallway.
7. Gotta keep your purse caffeinated, samanthalynn-s
Went to a coffee shop and ordered a large cup of coffee. Barista hands it to me and I put it into my purse with no lid.
8. But on the brightside, spaghatta111, you ate a muffin real fast
One time I was eating a lemon poppyseed muffin. The phone rang, so I reacted by shoving the entire muffin my mouth and eating it as fast as I could, nearly choking to death, and I didn't even make it to the phone before it stopped ringing.
9. Certainly avoidable BijectiveForever
Snorted a line of instant ramen seasoning
10. The true trick here is making your mother's confidence in you disappear, ChunkyMunky666
11. I believe that children are the future. From uniqueusername0054
Me and my brothers would tie ropes to each other and run in opposite directions. Did it to trees too. I tried to bungee jump from a tree with just a regular old rope, that one hurt pretty bad.
12. There goes my heroooo, watch him as he goooes. From Jsn1986
I jumped up and (successfully) bit the string that is used to pull the attic door down. It had a metal bead on it... Immediately after I remember thinking "holy crap I actually got it in my mouth and broke the string". Then I realized the string was still there, but half my front tooth wasn't.
13. ....Aphex117...what the fuck man
When I was a wee boy I woke up early before everyone, went down to the kitchen, grabbed a chair, brought it to the fridge and took the small metal pencil sharpener from the top. I decided to sharpen my pinky first thing in the morning so I can have a sharp finger?? Ended up waking the parents up and bleeding profusely.
14. ladyofthedead, this is a dangerous philosophy to inhabit
I stuck my hand in a bowl of soup simply because I hadn't before.
15. Looks like it's time for you to get a new life, justtosubscribe
Someone asked me what time it was and I lifted and rotated my wrist so I could look at my watch. I was holding an iced tea and just poured the whole thing into my lap.
I wasn't wearing a watch.
I didn't even own a watch. Never have.
16. Some people just want to watch the world burn, poodlenancy
When I was little I threw my ballet shoes into a toilet I had just peed in. I have no idea why. I then ran to my mom who couldn't decipher through my hysterical crying what was going on. To this day I still have no idea why I did it, but I remember feeling that I had to do it.
17. I bet you at least put out the Kleenex tho right TheREALGillypies
I tried to put out a candle by covering it with a Kleenex.
18. Dangerously cheesy, Thatagui
I microwaved a single cheeto.