Everyone knows that history class is synonymous with "spacing out while looking at the weird piece of food stuck in the teacher's teeth" 101.
We get it, history is important, but it's boring as everloving heck and you know it.
But what if we told you history can actually be as FUNNY as it is informative?! Although, it should probably be a given that fart jokes have never and will never go out of style.
During the Byzantine-Sassanian wars in the early 6th century, Khosrau I of Persia destroyed Antioch and captured its civilians.
However, rather than enslaving them or killing them, Khosrau brought them back to Persia and rebuilt them an almost exact replica of Antioch, down to the layout of the city and rooms in the houses. The citizens were freed and made into full Persian citizens.
The city was named "Weh Antiok Khosrau" - "Khosrau's better Antioch"
One of my favorites is in 1956, for a bet and while drunk, a man named Tommy Fitzpatrick stole a small plane from New Jersey and then landed it perfectly on the narrow street in front of the bar he had been drinking at in NYC. Then, two years later, he did it again after someone didn't believe he had done it the first time.
"Why are you dodging like that? They couldn't shoot an elephant from this distance!" -John Sedgwick, last words.
George Bush Sr. vomited in Prime Minister of Japan, Kiichi Miyazawa's lap.
The British government wanted to get rid of the cobras in India, so they started offering money for dead cobras. To take advantage of this, many people started breeding cobras to kill for the money, so they stopoed buying dead cobras onve they realized it was going on. All of the cobra breeders released the snakes and there ended up being even more cobras than there had been in the first place
The story of William Walker.
William Walker was child prodigy. By the age of 16 he graduated college, Soon after he became a semi successful lawyer. Every thing was looking awesome for him.
However Walker had a crazy dream, He wanted to be a leader of his own nation. So one day him and 40 of his friends invaded Baja Mexico and took over its capital declaring it its own nation. It took a few months but eventually the Mexican army chased him of.
So Walker came back to america but not for long! He got some rich people to back him up and invaded Nicaragua with 80 men. He took its capital and since it was going trough a civil war at the time managed to take and hold the country for about a year. During that year he did a whole bunch of crazy shit like legalizing slavery in the attempt to allying himself with the Confederate States of America. Luckily the neighboring nations realized he was batshit and invaded chasing him off.
However this did not deter him. He once again got an army together and invaded Honduras. However this was a huge failure and he was caught almost instantly. By this time everyone was tired of his shit so he was executed.
One of my favorite funny stories is that in 1977, Australian Formula 1 driver Alan Jones won the Austrian Grand Prix. No one expected him to win, so the organizers didn't have the Australian national anthem on hand to play at the ceremony after the race. Instead, some drunk rando started playing "Happy Birthday" on the trumpet.
The race happened in August. Jones' birthday is in November.
Abraham Lincoln had a dry sense of humor. He once answered a question about whether his legs were too long by saying, "I have not given the matter much consideration, but on first blush I should judge they ought to be long enough to reach from his body to the ground."
Regarding General McClellan--who was skilled at training soldiers but reluctant to send them into combat--Lincoln quipped, "If General McClellan doesn't want to use his army, I'd like to borrow it."
Then--this last one is disputed yet was reported in reputable newspapers in 1863--when a congressional delegation complained that General Grant drank too much whiskey, Lincoln reportedly replied that he would like to know what brand Grant drinks so he could send a case of it to each of his other generals.
Australia's first gold medal at the Winter Olympics was in speedskating. The skater (Steven Bradbury) was coming last until every single athlete in front of him fell over.
The best part is that he was only in the finals because the exact same thing happened in the semifinals. To this day, an incredibly unlikely victory is known as 'pulling a Bradbury' in Australia.
It was in Corinth that a meeting between Alexander the Great and Diogenes is supposed to have taken place.These stories may be apocryphal. The accounts of Plutarch and Diogenes Laërtius recount that they exchanged only a few words: while Diogenes was relaxing in the morning sunlight, Alexander, thrilled to meet the famous philosopher, asked if there was any favour he might do for him. Diogenes replied, "Yes, stand out of my sunlight." Alexander then declared, "If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes." "If I were not Diogenes, I would still wish to be Diogenes," Diogenes replied.
King Gustav III of Sweden was convinced that coffee was poisonous and dangerous to public health. He levied heavy taxes on coffee and even passed a royal edict banning it, however its consumption became ever more popular. Determined to prove its danger, he ordered an experiment carried out: two identical twins had their death sentences commuted to life imprisonment, on the condition one drank three pots of coffee a day, and the other three pots of tea. Physicians would monitor the effects and report their eventual demise to the King.
Both of these physicians died of natural causes before this happened however. Even King Gustav was assassinated in 1792 before either of the twins had met their end. Eventually the tea drinker was the first to die, at 83 years of age. His brothers age is not known.
At one point there were three Popes and they all excommunicated each other.
13. ladyrockess: (PUN ALERT)
When Britain was fighting to conquer India, a General named Charles James Napier was told not to attack the city of Sindh. However, he had an opportunity, went ahead and attacked Sindh, and captured it.
When he sent news back to Britain of his victory, his telegram was a single word: "Peccavi."
This is not an English word, but a Latin one, and most people know of it through the Catholic church. Directly translated into English it means, "I have sinned.
Supposedly at some point Liechtenstein went to war with 80 men, but returned home with 81.
Edit: Also one of my favorites is The War of the Oaken Bucket. Two Italian city states went to war over a stolen bucket from a well.
King Charles VI of France was prone to delusions, and at one point believed he was made of glass. He had his clothes specially reinforced so that he wouldn't break.
In 1892, the princess of Liechtenstein got so pissed at a countess criticizing her flower choices at a party, that she challenged her to a topless, all-female sword duel