1. "TAKING A BIG SHIT, TAKING A BIG DUMP, TAKING A BIG...TURD!"
TAKING A BIG SHIT pic.twitter.com/MgTQ9xhOws-- ORIN :( (@orinanne) January 16, 2018
2. Tweet of the year.
WATCH: Sen. Orrin Hatch removes a pair of glasses he's not wearing pic.twitter.com/QXCCb4RHzn-- Jon Levine (@LevineJonathan) January 16, 2018
3. F**k y**, j*rk.
I saw a bumper sticker that said "I Don't Give A F**K." Nothing says not giving a fuck quite like using asterisks.-- Sarcasticsapien (@Sarcasticsapien) January 7, 2018
4. Starbucks, please respond.
.@Starbucks you're employee refused to make a poisoned coffee for my dog to ease his pain-- ruined snake (@punished_picnic) January 16, 2018
5. Hate it when that happens.
[spits out tide pod]-- Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) January 16, 2018
"But if that was in my mouth..."
[cut to me placing a piping hot lasagna into my washing machine]
6. Can't be sensitive to lactose if you don't know it's there.
me ignoring my body's increasing sensitivity to lactose pic.twitter.com/BVgpV3alGR-- Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) January 14, 2018
7. It's like we're there.
[mouthing to ex-wife at divorce hearing]: can I get a ride home?-- your new dad (@drankturpentine) January 15, 2018
8. Truly upsetting.
literally appalled "the snowman" has won nothing. he gave you all the clues. ALL. THE. CLUES.-- Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 8, 2018
9. Just another day.
me + all my friends gathering around the bad news trough for another day of terrible bad news pic.twitter.com/d2yhE87IWP-- Anna Swartz (@Anna_Snackz) January 26, 2017
10. These biceps are pure butter, baby.
I don't have any handsome celebrity doppelgängers but sometimes people mistake weight I've recently gained for muscle and that is always fun-- Adam Rotstein (@madamepotstein) January 5, 2018
11. It shouldn't be so difficult.
*looks at Mac-n-Cheese instructions seventeen times*-- Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) January 16, 2018
*throws box away*
*looks in garbage can to read instructions again*