2017 is almost over, and you might be feeling a little blue - it's been a long year, and lots of people get depressed around the holidays (I should note that all of my insights into human psychology comes from Charlie Brown specials). So let's make a deal - I'll put some solid funny tweet beneath this paragraph, and you sit back and enjoy them as your day improves by approximately 27%. Sound good? Good.
1. Mark your calendar - we need some good karma going into 2018.
If you play "Africa" by Toto at exactly 11:58:43pm on New Year's Eve, the first chorus will play at exactly midnight. Kick off 2018 the way it's meant to be-- Jeremy (@CorgiWeather) December 17, 2017
2. Can't wait for the next season of Mindhunter.
I continue to be taunted by my grandfather's killer pic.twitter.com/YRVQvjcP7U-- Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) October 15, 2013
3. He gave his life to save us all. Praise his name!
bet y'all won't share this because you're too ashamed to have a picture of JESUS on your tl this holiday season... 😔✝️💔 pic.twitter.com/h87Sr9csr2-- dark tiddious grace (@rickdeckards) December 17, 2017
4. Nothing but respect for MY President.
Man of the Year pic.twitter.com/KK8VsieYE5-- Shadowfart69 (@ShadowFart69) December 18, 2017
5. Can a manager give himself Employee of the Year?
My manager was dealing with a mad customer and the customer asks him if he can talk to the manager and my managers like "yeah one second...." and he does a dramatic ass 360 turn and goes "hi I'm the manager how can I help you today???" LMAOOOOOO-- steph (@ItsStephanee) December 17, 2017
6. Hey now, you're an All-Star - get your art on, get paid.
Apparently-- Little Bummer Boy (@vandroidhelsing) December 15, 2017
For a white elephant gift exchange
My youngest sister has done
A renaissance-style painting of Shrek pic.twitter.com/lBrczcwn7k
7. Listen - the world needs more Pagliacci jokes. I'm sorry but it's true.
young man, there's no need to feel down/-- 🎄 SATURNALIA 🎄 (@hotrobots) December 14, 2017
i said, young man, i know of a great clown/
i said, young man, pagliacci's in town/
there's no need to be unhappy
8. That RollerCoaster Tycoon stuff you used to do isn't so funny when it happens in REAL LIFE, now is it?
holy shit how fast was this rollercoaster going pic.twitter.com/whvd3Gf3B1-- blank (@shr0s) April 12, 2017
9. This is the plot of an episode of Law & Order: SVU, I'm sure of it.
My niece wants to know: if she donates her hair to Locks of Love, and the recipient of her hair commits a crime and leaves hair at the crime scene, will her DNA be found all over the crime scene and thus incriminate her?-- Phil Nobile Jr. (@PhilNobileJr) November 24, 2017
10. We miss you, Spicey.
Sean Spicer thinks that A Christmas Carol is a collection of Christmas carols pic.twitter.com/b8k2NzW2LT-- Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) December 14, 2017
11. Reminder to follow @HamillHimself.
I love how a lot of celebrities are like "I want to distance myself from this iconic character I played and I don't use that influence for making political statements" and then mark hamill is like "luke skywalker would hate you, personally, in canon."-- womp rat (@MAGlCALGIRL) December 17, 2017
12. Google never forgets. Google never forgives.
Me: *accidentally types url wrong one time*-- Mark Magark (@markedly) December 19, 2017
Navigation Bar: [every day for 15 years] Do you wanna go to Faceboot today? Huh? You wanna visit a boot with a face on it? Huh, you piece of shit? Is that what you wanna do? Moron.