It's Christmas eve and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...
Except, WTF, what's it that you hear? A fat man in red and an unruly white beard!
He's huffing and slamming staight into your home
Demanding cookies and milk or he'll break all your bones!
Okay, so that's not entirely how it goes, but we have to say Santa Claus is pretty fucking creepy.
As a kid you're told a robust man shoves his way down your chimney and gives you presents out of a giant sack that could easily fit two or three of your child-sized body in and that's totally fine.
We're constantly reminded that at any given time, this jovial large stranger is watching us sleeping on a snowy winter night, when all appears to be calm and quiet. But right outside our dark window a red-faced night-stalker peers into the rooms of children to silently deem them naughty or nice and you better pray you're not the former.
And don't even forget Austria's fun legend of Krampus, you know, the anthropomorphic figure described as "half-goat, half-demon", who snatches misbehaved children during the festive season.
This is what you get for being a little turd, Jimmy.
So the next time you're wondering why a child is screaming their head off taking pictures with the mall Santa, remember how terrifying it is to be forced to sit on a strange man's lap, while he's dressed in velvety red, and tell him what you really, really want for Christmas this year.
1. "I am the one who knocks."
2. 100% sure this child was never seen again.
3. A season of merriment.
4. All he wants for Christmas is ALL of your teeth.
5. Uncle Nick needs his whiskey.
6. Leatherface moonlights has Santa Claus during the holidays.
7. What is behind Santa's eyes?
8. TFW you mistake a homeless man for Old Saint Nick.
9. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON THE SKIN!
10. Santa wants 2 g's of meth this year.
11. You see, Santa's real face is just underneath this mask.
12. Don't stare directly into his eyes...