I have a solemn vow as the Twitter Round-up Guy here at CollegeHumor - to never mislead the readers and to consistently work to earn the trust they have placed in me. And that's why I'm promising (again) that these tweets will keep your attention for about 2 minutes. If I were a little greedier and less committed to my sacred duty, I might promise 3 minutes, or (god forbid) even 4 minutes. But I cannot do such a thing. These tweets will keep you entertained for about 2 minutes, give or take a few seconds.
Really though, 2 minutes is all you would want to commit to something like this. Do you want to read 5 minutes worth of tweets? No. No one wants that. So sit back and enjoy 12 curated, very good tweets that will keep you entertained while you stare at your phone on the toilet.
1. C'mon, Phil, spoiler alert?
Why can't my life have more mystery and suspense pic.twitter.com/WgZ4y0vq5d-- pat tobin (@tastefactory) March 26, 2017
2. Pretty cool we now live in Michael Scott's "explain it like I'm 5" world
thanks for clarifying pic.twitter.com/x1G59DmxI2-- Michael Lacey (@mchllcy) September 24, 2017
3. "In 50 years once 99% of the population has been killed, I'll have the last laugh!"
When your dating strategy requires the apocalypse so you can make your move. pic.twitter.com/J7wyh5P5gB-- Oktoberfest Hero (@Palle_Hoffstein) September 24, 2017
4. "Hope you didn't want any coral reefs!"
Handing off the planet to the next generation like pic.twitter.com/ueKVUStmBO-- Mike Primavera (@primawesome) September 20, 2017
5. The truth of Doom Guy is finally revealed...
6. It's actually VERY normal to dye your hair with crude oil
Steven Seagal can't decide who he's angrier at - kneeling NFL players or the wizard who cursed him to gradually turn into an owl pic.twitter.com/NJTph28JOe-- Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) September 27, 2017
7. Luisa makes an excellent point.
8. The Beach Boys were turned into a bird thanks to a witch's magic, but they still got it!
i wish this video never ended pic.twitter.com/6J3U0zLccd-- hec (@yerisred) September 24, 2017
9. Andre 3000 is the true Founding Father
I know which anthem I'm standing for pic.twitter.com/lHchau3ts7-- sreekar (@sreekyshooter) September 25, 2017
10. A nice relaxing video about a very calm dog
11. Peeing in this urinal is a privilege and an honor
Will you use a normal urinal like a coward, or will you take the journey of legends? The choice is yours pic.twitter.com/UKb3nNTLQ8-- LateFee (@LatePaymentFees) September 25, 2017