I have a solemn vow as the Twitter Round-up Guy here at CollegeHumor - to never mislead the readers and to consistently work to earn the trust they have placed in me. And that's why I'm promising (again) that these tweets will keep your attention for about 2 minutes. If I were a little greedier and less committed to my sacred duty, I might promise 3 minutes, or (god forbid) even 4 minutes. But I cannot do such a thing. These tweets will keep you entertained for about 2 minutes, give or take a few seconds.

Really though, 2 minutes is all you would want to commit to something like this. Do you want to read 5 minutes worth of tweets? No. No one wants that. So sit back and enjoy 12 curated, very good tweets that will keep you entertained while you stare at your phone on the toilet.

1. C'mon, Phil, spoiler alert?

2. Pretty cool we now live in Michael Scott's "explain it like I'm 5" world

3. "In 50 years once 99% of the population has been killed, I'll have the last laugh!"

4. "Hope you didn't want any coral reefs!"

5. The truth of Doom Guy is finally revealed...

6. It's actually VERY normal to dye your hair with crude oil

7. Luisa makes an excellent point.

8. The Beach Boys were turned into a bird thanks to a witch's magic, but they still got it!

9. Andre 3000 is the true Founding Father

10. A nice relaxing video about a very calm dog

11. Peeing in this urinal is a privilege and an honor

12. Literally every person proposed to this woman immediately after, no question.