1. Text your friend who invited you "you coming???" and "where are you?" every 5 minutes
And then wait for the "..." typing animation, followed by nothing, to fill you with EXTRA dread.
2. Check your emails, Instagram, Snapchat, and any other app that might have something for you to read for a few minutes.
"Ah cool, a promoted post from Pepsi. Cool, cool." (*refreshes Twitter furiously*)
3. After you've checked everything, just scroll up and down and pretend to still be checking
"COME ON, PEPSI, PROMOTE ANOTHER TWEET, PLEASE."
4. Half-heartedly try to insert yourself into a group conversation and then awkwardly shuffle away when people just sorta give you a suspicious glance like "who is this guy and why is he just hovering on the outskirts of the conversation and pretending to laugh along?"
And the instant you leave, they'll all probably laugh at what an awkward dweeb you were and how clearly you didn't fit in and how your dad lost all respect for you when he found out you were staying home on Saturday nights to collect the KK Slider songs in Animal Crossing for Gamecube.
...or they'll just continue on with the conversation because no one even really noticed you were there. One of the two.
5. Sorta sing along to whatever song is playing and bouncing a little to beat like you're gonna dance (but never let it escalate to actual dancing)
"....under pressure...dun dun dun duh-duh-duh dun..."
6. Go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet for a while with the fan on and ask yourself how you're still this socially awkward at this age.
I SHOULD BE BETTER AT THIS BY NOW. ALSO HOW AM I STILL GETTING ACNE, I THOUGHT THAT WENT AWAY WHEN YOU GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL?
7. Desperately walk around and hope you hear someone talking about Game of Thrones
"Please, I won't even bring up the books, I swear."
8. Wait for an opening on the couch and sit down
Sitting will look a lot less noticeable than standing against the wall, plus maybe someone will see you sitting there and sit next to you and strike up a conversation! Or a couple that's slightly buzzed will sit next to you and start obnoxiously hooking up while you sit there awkwardly sipping your cup that's been empty for the past 10 minutes.
9. Keep going back for more alcohol
"Ah crap, looks like nervously drinking to keep myself looking occupied has left me with another empty cup! Better go get a refill."
Then repeat this every 5 minutes until you're drunk enough to fall asleep on the recliner in the middle of the living room even though it's only 10pm or you go outside to take a piss and somehow wind up at Denny's.
10. Pretend to take a phone call so you can look natural leaving the room and going outside for a breather
"OH YEP DEFINITELY JUST TALKING ON THE PHONE ON A REAL PHONE CALL AND MUMBLING A LITTLE INTO THE PHONE. JUST GONNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE FOR A SEC, THEN I'LL DEFINITELY COME BACK, DEFINITELY NOT GONNA MAKE A RUN FOR IT THE INSTANT I GET OUT THE DOOR, NOPE."
Although, honestly, you later realize you could have left whenever you wanted without any excuse and no one would've questioned it. Oh well.
BONUS! Pet option: if there's a dog or a cat, just hang out with them for 30 minutes straight
Dogs are nature's Xanax.