If there's one thing in nature that no one needs to be afraid of, it's "trees", right? Trees are the most harmless things possible - heck, nature-lovers are even called "tree-huggers"! Good ol' trees, nature's hug-buddies.
Except the manchineel tree, that is. The manchineel tree has taken our naive trust of trees and used it to betray us all. While it looks innocent enough, it hides a dark secret: it's a tree that's trying to murder you.
See that? That's the fruit of a manchineel tree - a little apple-looking piece of fruit that looks like it's probably pretty tasty. But if you've been paying attention to literally any of this article so far, you can probably guess what I'm going to say next: it actually IS pretty tasty. Oh wait, you probably didn't see that coming. Well, the common traits is that they're okay tasting, maybe a little spicy. But the more important thing is that they're deadly - so deadly that they're commonly known as the "manzanilla de la muerte" ("little apple of death"), due to the amount of poison held within.
Heck, all of the tree is poisonous. And I mean that - literally every part of the tree is riddled with toxins and poisons, some of which have never even been identified.
Fruit: remember how I talked about the sweet 'n spicy taste of these little nuggets of death before? Well, I should elaborate - that "slightly spicy" taste quickly morphs into an intense burning sensation in your throat as it begins to feel like your esophagus is being torn apart from the inside and gradually gets so bad that you won't be able to swallow solid food. And that's the NOT SO BAD part - once the fruit is ingested, your stomach will have to deal with bleeding and bacterial superinfection, because APPARENTLY THE TERM "SUPERINFECTION" IS AN ACTUAL THING.
Sap: Oh hey, how bad could sap be, right? PRETTY GODDAMN BAD, APPARENTLY. It can start out with something as simple as some allergic dermatitis (basically a limited rash wherever the sap came into contact with your skin), but it gets a lot worse from there - it will cause blistering of the skin, it can blind you if you get it in your eye, and will generally mess up your day pretty bad. This stuff's so damaging, it's been known to ruin paint jobs on cars.
Other Stuff: Whatever you do, don't BURN these trees or wood from the tree - the smoke and vapors can cause eye damage or even kill you if you breathe enough in. Hell, even standing under the tree when it's raining is insanely dangerous - if any of the sap gets mixed in with the rainwater, it'll mess up your skin something fierce.
And in case this all just sounds unbelievable to you, here's what it did to one poor guy named Adam, who ruined everything (by getting the tree sap in his eyes and mouth):
In case you were curious why he was filming his (obviously painful) reaction to the world's most evil tree:
Yeah I was thrashing around in pain, until I cracked a joke and felt emotionally better. That's why I picked up my camera and decided to chronicle my adventure. The thing about unbelievable pain is that sometimes it's so unbelievable that you can't believe it and there is some humor in that. For people like me anyway.
So if you're ever anywhere between Florida and northern areas of South America, WATCH THE HELL OUT FOR THIS MURDERTREE.