hey gurl are you summer bc i was really thrilled for you to get here and now you're so hot i'm hiding from you inside my house?-- Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) July 3, 2017
Friends: Come out with us tonight.-- The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) July 1, 2017
Me: Can't...I'm busy training my cat to play hockey.
F: You can't train a cat to play hockey!
We are all one This American Life episode away from fully understanding the human experience & what squarespace is-- Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 5, 2017
Peter Parker? Haven't heard that name in years. pic.twitter.com/9oZ1fKX7mc-- Matthew A. Cherry (@MatthewACherry) July 5, 2017
Introducing Therapy Sword™-- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 5, 2017
Why spend 100s of dollars on a therapist when u can just swing a cool sword around for awhile?
Interviewer: "Do you consider yourself an independent person?"-- Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) July 4, 2017
Me: *looks at the index cards my mom wrote for me*
new sleeve..honestly it didn't even hurt lol pic.twitter.com/e7yklEVGG3-- gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) July 5, 2017
hey "nice" manbun haha it fuckin sucks you hipster asshole [he turns around and reveals he is a samurai from the tokugawa shogunate] oh fuck-- sargon of ACAB 🚩 (@DOGGEAUX) July 4, 2017
BOSS: We need a really snappy opening line.-- Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) July 5, 2017
JEFF 'THE IDIOT' FUCKHEAD: Yeah I've got one pic.twitter.com/X85wwxoXi3