1. Find an innocuous article on the internet
2. Figure out a way to take personal offense at what you read, no matter how tangentially it relates to you.
3. Now it's time to draft! Start your sentence by stating how you've made this argument a million times. This will prove to your readers that you're an expert!
4. Search the internet for any amount of proof to support whatever point you're trying to make. Remember, the less mainstream a website, the more trustworthy it is. If you find something written with bright green font over a black background, you know you've hit the motherload.
5. Once you've done your research, it's time to make your case. Proceed list anything you found to support your point. Remember, the more things you say, the smarter you'll sound.
6. For good measure, throw in one incomprehensible sentence to keep them on their toes.
7. As you wrap up, sum up your argument with a coherent, intelligent thought that your opponent will not see coming.
8. Close it out by immediately contradicting the thing you just said.
Congratulations! You've done it.