1. Trump Gets Impeached For Treason Over Russia Dealings and the Associated Cover-Up


WOOO! NO MORE TRUMP! AMERICA IS SAVED! Finally, Trump's shady dealings, general negligence towards the rule of law, and outright maliciousness towards all that is right and just in our nation will have caught up with him, and he will be FORMALLY REMOVED FROM OFFICE!

2. President Mike Pence Is Inaugurated


...oh shit, right. The whole "line of succession" thing. Forgot about that. Hrm. Pence is pretty bad. Actually maybe even worse? And actually is smart enough to know how to conduct himself and cover stuff up?

This might be a problem.

3. President Pence Gets Impeached For....Something. Maybe Russia Stuff Too.


I mean - he was probably involved or at least had knowledge of whatever it is that ultimately gets Trump impeached. He's gotta be complicit, so we'll just use that to get him out of office. Or that weird editorial he did about how Mulan is part of a secret liberal conspiracy to normalize women in the military, 'cuz for real, that's just straight up weird as hell.

Anyways - Pence will be out and DEMOCRACY WILL BE RESTORED! WOOO!!! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!


4. President Paul Ryan Is Inaugurated


FUCK. Right, right, forgot about it. Ahh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Hmmm. Uh. Well...


5. President Ryan Gets Impeached For...Stuff. Being Bad? I Dunno. Maybe Some Russia Stuff Will Be Left Over.


There has to be a little Russia stuff left over, even after Trump and Pence. Like, at least 10% of the Russia stuff will be left over, which will be enough to kick Ryan to the curb. And then - HELL YEAH! DEMOCRACY IS SAVED FOREVER!!


6. President Orrin Hatch Is Inaugurated


Uh. He's bad, right? My gut is telling me he's bad but I should probably doublecheck. Hold on, let me look him up on Wikipedia.....hmm.....ok.....ahhh....GODDAMMIT FUCK HE'S EXTREMELY BAD. Shit.

Also - "Orrin Hatch"? Is that a real person's name? It sounds like a Star Wars bounty hunter, which is actually pretty badass.


7. Okay, so - President Orrin Hatch Gets Impeached For Something Too. Maybe a New Thing This Time. A New Russia Thing?


Okay, I'm being realistic here - there's probably not anymore Russia stuff left at this point. So, maybe President Hatch will do some NEW Russia stuff that would be impeachable? It's not impossible. Or maybe he would, uh, slip on a banana peel and fall off a cliff like in a Looney Tunes bit? Lots of things are possible.

And then it's ADIOS PRESIDENT HATCH! Finally, got through all those assholes, now the country can finally be put back into the hands of respected, responsible people.


8. President Rex Tillerson Is Inaugurated




9. Maybe He Gets Impeached For - wait a sec, lemme actually look at the presidential line of succession before we go any further-AW FUCK


Shit. Shit. SHIT. Jeff Sessions is number 7?! Ugh. Oh man this isn't good. Damn.


10. Realize That There's No Magic Thing That Can Happen Overnight And Instantly Make A Non-Horrible Person President. We Have Gotten Ourselves Into A Terrible Situation And There's No Easy Way Out.


Like, even under the BEST CASE SCENARIO, things are gonna suck. But at least it would be a little less terrifying when Donald Trump has his weekly total meltdown on Twitter AS THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD.