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This is a no-brainer. Once I hit like, age 60 (God willing), I'm gonna clear my Browser History every time I even look away from my screen for a split second. The idea of dying and having my grandchildren interpret my last few searches as some meaningful window into my deepest fetishes is the last thing any human should want, particularly if those fetishes are, like, "Macarena Music Video UNCUT HD".



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What happens if I die with like, 40 bucks left on my Paypal account? Does that money just bounce around in money-limbo until the end of time? Better spend that shit, quick! Gonna log onto Amazon and search for something I just never got around to buying. I dunno... a SodaStream? Ehh, no, they're like $70. But the Sodastream carbonation bottles are only 10 bucks! Boom, buy four of those, checkout, ship, and die nice and even.



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Oh shit, I checked out I'm Not There the Bob Dylan biopic back in 2008 and haven't touched it in six decades. This is my last chance! Ehh, I can't find a physical DVD player anywhere here in the year 20XXBlergg. It was probably fine. Watch Coming To America on tv for the 57,000th time and be just as content.



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You know what? I've just been accumulating frequent flier miles for my entire life and I've never actually stopped to check if I can use them for anything. Wow, I have 38,000 saved up! That sounds like a lot! And it's.... 55,000 miles for a one-stop flight to Indianapolis. But I could use my miles to bring the cost down from $280 to $265? Never mind. Better just die.