1 The people who live furthest away will get sick


The day of the party, you'll get between 3 and 5 "ahhh, sorry I can't make it, I'm sick or my girlfriend's sick or whatever anyway can't make it have fun!!" messages from people who originally said they were coming. Coincidentally, all these people live the furthest away, so you know what's really going on: They're all telling the truth and there's a powerful virus affecting the far-from-you areas in your town. And it also infected your flakiest friend.

2 The person you know the least will show up first


"Hey... is this the party place? I'm Jay, I'm an extremely peripheral friend of an ex co-worker you threw on the Facebook invite at the last minute. Sorry I'm so early, I figured this started at 7:40, like most parties. I can just hang here on the couch and watch Jeopardy while you, y'know, shower and whatever."


someone will bring a weird liquor that youll then own forever


"Hey!! I brought some Pylermann's!"




"You've never had Pylermann's Lemonsmash??? It's like limoncello but way stronger and worse. Anyway, here's a 64 ounce jug of it. I'm gonna drink five sips then you'll have this thing above your fridge until you get married, never drinking it but afraid to throw it away."


4 Your snacks will last for under five seconds


"Hey, Tostitos Scoops!"


[Dumps entire bag into mouth without opening it, swallows it with a cartoon "GULP!" sound effect, chugs salsa with giant straw]


"Hey... you got any more of those chips?"


Get ready for someone to interrupt your impeccably-planned playlist at like 11:30 to put on some shitty joke song they and another person you don't know were just talking about! What are you gonna do, let them control the shitty music, or be an even bigger dick and cut in and put your own music back on? (Obviously the latter)