construction
 
Whether it's the 101, the 10, or the 5, there are always closed ramps, cone zones, and plenty of sexy construction workers standing around sexy construction tractors doing absolutely nothing. Why not use these delays to your advantage? Sleep an extra 15 minutes, stop by a Jamba Juice, pull over at a nearby outlook...why not? If you're gonna be late, you can always just say there was construction, because there probably was. 
 

gluten  

No longer limited to dietary situations, the gluten-free excuse can get you out of pretty much anything. Not because people actually believe that you can't go to Bootie LA because of your gluten problems, but because they don't want to encourage a 10-minute speech about how your gluten-free cookies taste just like regular cookies--no really, they do!! If you want to be shunned, ignored, and left alone, just tell people you're gluten-free. Trust me, it'll work. No questions asked. 

 

no parking  
As Los Angeles boomed in the mid-20th century, so did the number of vehicles in the city. However, no one accounted for the fact that these vehicles may need somewhere to park. Roughly 100% of the time, you will be limited to $30 valet parking, street parking with complimentary towing, or leaving your car parked in an ambulance zone with your flashers blinking. So, if you say, "There's no parking!" you're pretty much saying, "I'm not gonna do whatever the hell it is I'm supposed to be doing. I'm gonna stay in my car and drive back home because this is LA, and that's how we roll." 

 

drought

The drought card is a gem that works every time. You don't actually have to care about the rapidly depleting water sources of Southern California, you just have to pretend you do. Just tell everyone, "I'm trying to conserve water by not showering...so I should just stay in" or "It's just too hot, this damn drought." No one can argue with Mother F***ing Nature, can they? Which is why I must reiterate: this LA excuse works every time.