This Angeleno favorite comes in handy when you don't want to leave your apartment AT ALL. And no matter what Sig Alert really says, if you announce, "I am in a standstill on the 110" anyone will be like, "Yeah, that's probably true." There's no need to fact-check this excuse because 99% of the time there is a standstill on any and all freeways in LA, so this alibi is a surefire win. Every time.  


If your body is running on nothing but blended kale and avocado, then you pretty much have the right to be a complete and total bitch to EVERYBODY. Get in a car wreck? Not your fault, you're juicing. Steal your neighbor's dog? You're juicing, was clearly just an accident. Any irrational behavior can be swept under that cruelty-free rug with two simple words: "I'm juicing." 


the valley
This little diddy is great for all those hermits out there. Going over the hill is such a hassle, so if someone invites you to First Friday in some shady building made out of canvas downtown, you can just say, "Oh no, I'm up in the Valley No, I'm not going to do that." For anyone who lives, has lived, has visited, or has heard of the Valley, they will understand this. Ain't nobody got time for the 405. 


Why waste your time on the "prior engagement" line when you can just say, "I have a groupon, and it expires tomorrow, so I have to do it today..." No one wants you to miss out on a Groupon in LA, because let's face it, who is going to pay $40 for Stand Up Paddleboarding? Not me. So, when you get a Groupon that gets you SUPing around the Bu for $9, not even your dentist can protest the excuse.