Hey clothes-wearers, LISTEN UP. I'm typing an opinion right now and you are NOT gonna like it, but it's something that needs to be said.
There's a specific article of clothing that everyone needs to stop wearing IMMEDIATELY. If you're wearing it right now, STOP. If you aren't, continue not wearing it.
EVERY TIME this season rolls around, we get hit with a disgusting wave of this stupid clothing item and it spreads like a virus, every year, like clockwork. Like viral clockwork. It's like, a diseased clock of a fashion epidemic. But the disease doesn't stop the clock from working properly. The point is it's an EPIDEMIC and it happens EVERY YEAR and I'm SICK of it.
Men, let's face it: You're not children anymore. It's time to grow up.
Women, let's face it: You also are not children. You're literally not. If you were a baby or something, you wouldn't be reading this. I suppose you could be a smart child who can read these words, but I'm banking on that not being the case.
I know many of you agree with me, and will earnestly share this article with comments like "YASSS" and "FINALLY!", the virtual equivalent of hoisting me upon your collective shoulders and celebrating my definitive declaration with the recognition of heroism it so clearly deserves.
Some of you, however, will NOT agree with me. And to you I say: please post this article anyway and say "this is stupid" or "WRONG", because I don't give a shit. Making people mad with my needlessly absolute pseudo-opinions is basically the entire reason I'm doing this.
Also if you know someone who wears this article of clothing frequently, please post this on their wall with an "uhoh!" or "thoughts???"
Sure, many of you will also see right through my vacuous attempt to stir up minor controversy by presenting my arbitrary subjective opinion on a minor item like it's some life-or-death Thomas Paine manifesto, and you're not gonna click out of principle, but eventually you'll see a bunch of people arguing over this on Facebook and Twitter and keep seeing the same annoying thumbnail image of that stock photo couple and you WON'T BE ABLE TO RESIST GETTING MAD!
Go ahead, post "Who cares, this is stupid." The fact that you're even having that thought means I've ALREADY WON!
YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE ARBITRARY FASHION THINGY OPINION PIECE!!!! AAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
[Note to self: Remember to pick the item of clothing and plug it into the article with a Find-Replace before publishing this]
(Pics via Shutterstock)