1. The Matrix

Whenever a movie includes a slimy traitor, who completely sells out the good guys for their own selfish desires, it's not a stretch to say the filmmakers want you to dislike this character. They're WORSE  than the bad guys, because at least the bad guys were upfront with how bad they were - this guy's a snake in the grass, who betrays the trust of the heroes. And there's no better example than the Matrix's Cypher.

The only problem is, I totally would have done the same thing. Cypher's got the right attitude - reality is a horrible nightmare of constant darkness, getting hunted by squid-robots, wearing rags for clothing, and eating mystery gruel. The only relief is getting a needle jammed into your skull so you can pretend to be a karate master and fight dudes in suits. And so Cypher decides he wants to be back in the Matrix permanently, even if it means betraying Virtual Reality Kung Fu Jesus. And yeah, I would have done the same thing. The Matrix is so realistic that it's indistinguishable from our current reality by design - who cares if I know it's fake so long as it feels real? Plus I'd probably first dibs picking out which one of those weird fetal-pod things I want.

Yep, I'd definitely betray the hell out of everyone in The Matrix.


2. Star Wars

The grimy, ill-supplied, non-Death Star-owning Rebels? Or the magnificent, ultra-powerful, planet-destroying Empire? I'll go with the Empire any day of the week - lots of employment opportunities, a chance to see different parts of the galaxy, and shitty helmets that serve as a great excuse for why I miss every shot. Plus, in all honesty, I wouldn't make for a great soldier, so I'd probably be stationed far, far away from the Death Star, in a nice quiet section of the galaxy where I'd get to hang out and ride Dewbacks all day.

Sign me up for the Dark Side!


3. Harry Potter films


Oh yeah, I'd join the Death Eaters for sure. The heroes of the Harry Potter series are constantly in the dark about the secret plans by the forces of evil, constantly getting fooled and one-upped by their evil brethren, and are led by an incompetent teenager who only got as far as he did out of pure luck and strangers sacrificing their lives for him and an old man who spent most of his time not revealing vital information until the last second. Plus, the good guys have to follow soooo many rules about what spells you're allowed to use and when. Ugh, no thanks.

Meanwhile, the bad guys get to use whatever spells they want, whenever they want, and are headed up by this evil noseless dude who comes up with some pretty dumb plans, but at least let's everyone know what's going on. Plus, you get to have a pretty cool tattoo.


4. The Hunger Games

Capitol, baby! You get to have wacky hair, goofy Halloween costumes as your everyday outfit, and watch poor children murder each other for food AS ENTERTAINMENT. Yeah, the poorer districts are the salt of the Earth types who are just trying to make a better life for their loved ones, but the Capitol's got tons of food and no kiddie murder competitions to worry about.


5. Any Zombie Movie

Honestly, it would be really stressful to survive the zombie apocalypse. You have to watch society collapse in front of your eyes, your loved ones morph into the shambling undead, and everything you knew and cared about decays in front of you, with no signs of hope to keep you motivated. And hell, even most of the LIVING people are monstrous assholes. Nah, it'd be easier to just get bit right away and be a rad decaying zombie corpse.

Also, if we're being realistic here and 99.8% of Earth's population has been zombified, I'm DEFINITELY not gonna be one of the select 0.2% who DIDN'T get bitten. I write on the internet for a living - I have ZERO survival skills (or regular skills). I'm getting zombified for sure.


BONUS: Game of Thrones


I know it's not a movie, but Game of Thrones exists in a weird middle-ground between movies and regular TV, so why not include it?

The nice thing about Game of Thrones is that there AREN'T really any bad guys - the morality across the board is varying shades of gray (except Ned Stark, the purest person in all of Westeros). But there are a couple of pretttttty dark gray bad guys - and I wanna be on THEIR side. The Lannisters as an allegiance is pretty evil, even if individual members (Jaime, Tyrion, Ser Pounce) are good guys - and they're flush with cash, got plenty of food, and have never suffered a defeat at their home of Casterly Rock. Compare that to the Starks, who lost Winterfell, had most of their army slaughtered at the Red Wedding, and are basically synonymous with "shit luck" at this point, and the lesson is obvious: go gold or go home.