7. Big Bertha
Big Bertha can become superhumanly strong and durable by becoming massively and morbidly obese...Sounds useful...
Doorman has the ability to open portals to anywhere... as long as that "anywhere" happens to be the room next door. Ideal if you're bursting for a piss and the toilet is a whole room away. Not ideal for much else.
Hairball is a superhero cat....That is all.
Imagine if a man was injected with mongoose blood and developed superhuman speed as a result. Now stop imagining because in Marvel comics THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
Boudicca is a reverse-engineered, very knowledgable, heroic little Tamagotchi. Yeah, don't think so.
What. The. F**k?