via Porsche Archives

While a cool looking car and very iconic, not good for hooking up. There is a distinct lack of privacy and most of car is made out of stone. And, after the hook up you would both have to employ physical force to propel the car, and don't forget a dinosaur could literally eat you at any time, which is terrible for the libido.

via Shutterstock

This car is sentient, so either you hook up in the car and it isn't into it, which feels like some weird form of assault, or the car is into it, which would be super creepy. And he would need to comment somehow, because you know he can feel you and it's possible he doesn't even know what sex is and would ask about it, which would annihilate any prospect of getting it on.

via Clipartpanda

This car is built for high speed races on eccentric and difficult tracks, not love and lust. It is essentially a weapon and there is a real possibility you could shoot off some shells that would come back and immediately hit you, destroying the mood and making you flip upside down. Very hazardous for you and your boo and your sex life. 

via MPCFilm

In terms of spacing and seating, the car has some promise, but it's enchanted. It is possible you will be hooking up, things going great, then the car takes off flying and lands in an enchanted tree that will fight you. So not only do you have to deal with that, you have to explain to society that magic exists and cars can be made to fly. Mood destroyed.

via Digital Polyphony

This is another sentient car which is, again, very creepy and weird for hooking up. KITT is also equipped with an "olfactory sensor," so it can smell things, which...I don't like and don't think anyone would. Can you imagine hooking up in this car and it says to you, "I can smell that"? No, that would be terrible.

via ComicBookMovie

True, this one does have a bunk in it that would be perfect for an intimate experience, but it is also sentient and there is the possibility it will turn into a giant robot who will start fighting other giant robots. In general avoid having sex in any sentient cars.

via Mad4Wheels

You may think, "James Bond is a ladies man, his car would be perfect for hooking up." Not true. All James Bond cars are equipped with stuff like rockets, ejector seats, and invisibility cloaks and if any of this were to go off during the act you could find yourself in jail for killing innocent people because you wanted to get freaky in a car.

via GiantFreakinRobot

Definitely a cool looking car, still not good for intimacy. Imagine things are going great and then you are going 88mph and end up fighting for your life alongside old timey ZZ Top in the Wild West. You have killed the mood and also potentially your love interest.

via CBSSports

The doors don't open, which can be cool, but not cool when you and yr prospective hook up are trying to get into the vehicle quickly. Also, this thing has been driven through the mud and backwoods by some hillbillies who are probably not super clean. But mostly there is a confederate flag on the top which is a very bad look and would bring about a lot of questions, none of which have good answers. Just stay away from this one. Doesn't anyone you know have a van?


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