1. Gold Trans Am - Ke$ha
Nobody would ever accuse Ke$ha of taking a subtle approach to sexuality, but she took brashness to new heights on her 2008 B-side "Gold Trans Am." The song begins with Ke$ha muttering "This song makes me wanna have sex in my car," and from there devolves into what sounds like a drunk sorority girl doing a rap version of "Magic Carpet Ride." It's fucking amazing. Shockingly, the Gold Trans Am in the title doesn't refer solely to an automobile. Look closely at the song's chorus and see if you can't catch the subtle double meaning:
"Wham! Bam! Thank you, man!
Get inside my fuckin',
Gold Trans Am!
Figure it out? No? Okay then I'll give you a little hint: It rhymes with "Me$ha's Magina. With lyrics like "Come on climb into my golden cockpit" (Ke$ha must be a natural blonde) and "Burning rubber on the Southern Highway" (At least she's using protection) the song basically amounts to a slightly less mature way of saying "Put your thingy in my hooha." To reiterate, it's fucking amazing.
Peacock - Katy Perry
If you're the sort of person who finds Ke$ha just a little too subtle, kindly direct your attention to Katy Perry's "Peacock." With a chorus that's literally just Perry repeating the phrase "I wanna see your Peacock, cock, cock" over and over again, I'm not even sure that this song belongs on this list. Just like you can't define a word by using the word itself, I don't think a word with "-cock" in it can rightfully call it a euphemism. Perry certainly doesn't seem concerned with anything to poetic anywhere else in the song:
Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beyotch,
I'm a peace out if you don't give me the pay off,
Come on baby let me see,
What you're hidin' underneath.
With the exception of referring to it as a "rainbow looking treasure" at one point (Ew) the song never even tries to compare dongs to peafowl in a way that might justify the its central metaphor. In all honestly, you could replace the word "Peacock" with "Penis" and the only thing that would change is the rhyme scheme. That said, the song is catchy as hell.
3. Shut Up and Drive - Rihanna
Like "Gold Trans Am", Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive" is another example of a car being used as a metaphor for a woman's sex parts. Somehow it manages to be far more explicitly sexual than the Ke$ha song, which is a sentence that nobody has ever said ever. Take a look at this poetry from the song's chorus:
Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean,
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine,
Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?
If you can, baby boy, we can go all night.
'Cause it's 0-60 in 3.5
Baby, you got the keys
Now shut up and drive!
Cars as sex metaphors are as old as the Model T, and they're not going away anytime soon. I don't care about that. What makes this song mildly infuriating, though, is the fact that Rihanna is so worried that we'll miss her subtle double meaning by asking if we know what she means.
EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU MEAN RIHANNA!!!! ALIENS FROM SPACE UNFAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT OF SEX OR CARS CATCH YOUR DRIFT!!!!!