You're interested in someone and you kind of think they might be into you too.You get up off your couch, shave (beard or armpits or both), go to every party you know they're going to be at, pretend like you didn't know they were coming, and just generally try to look and sound your best without looking or sounding like a complete stalker. You're showing some interest but more than anything you want to make sure they know you're still alive, you're available, and you don't have some type of parasitic skin disease. You're playing coy. You know it, they know it, and it's turning both of you on.
You'll hook up at parties and maybe even go on a few coffee dates but it's not serious yet. You'll text every other day and send each other cute emails with links to articles about pancakes or puppies or organic gardening, all signed with your name and a flirty emoji. You're moving forward with a potential relationship but pulling back is still totally cool.
You've made it Facebook official, you're going out!! Yay!! You've asked, they said yes. Your mother knows, her mother knows, your ex knows, your pen pal in Afghanistan knows, old camp friends who thought you were gay know, literally everybody knows. This is a happy moment for both of you. It can last anywhere between 3 and 24 hours.
Since you're in a relationship, you want to make sure you have the support of her friends. That means kissing the proverbial brass ring by showing up at Stacie's boring ass house warming party or Carey's level one improv shows or Amanda's "wine and cheese night." You want to tell Stacie that you've already heard the story about the Argentinian guy and Amanda that Kraft singles don't qualify as a type of cheese but you shut up and smile.
You've been going out between 6 and 8 months and you're in full on relationship mode. This means texting before bed, date night on Friday, and going to lots of events together. You're getting into the grove of the relationship but it's only proving to be more work. Sometimes all you want to do is sit on the couch and watch Sunday football but you can't. During this period expect to lose all muscle definition, gain between 10 and 30 pounds, and attend more black tie events than you have in your entire life prior.
You may score a few small victories but overall just get ready to spend a lot of money. You'll go from being on cloud nine to wondering why you got into this in the first place. Breaking up at this point is a tough decision but it's one that 99% of people make and if you're having doubts you'll probably be happier in the long run.
After hearing how wonderful you two are together and how much you both deserve this, you and your fiancée begin a series of debates about how you want to spend the rest of your lives. Number of kids? Dogs? Cats? I hate snakes. Where are you going to live? Are your finances in order? Are you gay? Is she?
You've finally gotten married and now it's time for a night of parties followed by a honeymoon. Two weeks later you return, pack up your life and move into your dream home to begin your dream life.
Congratulations, the next 4 years of your life are going to be stressful as hell.
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