1. Oscar, himself, will not show up
  1. Braveheart will not win anything
  1. No chance Edward Norton does a backflip
  1. Everyone will be naked underneath their clothes
  1. The ceremony won't be sponsored by bean dip
  1. Doubt you'll see any babies
  1. World hunger will remain an issue, throughout
  1. No one will accidentally get a Grammy
  1. The orchestra beneath the stage won't slowly keep sinking throughout the show
  1. People are going to fart (but you will not know who or when)
  1. No one will thank Herbert Hoover in their acceptance speech
  1. No pears will be eaten (on screen)
  1. Guarantee the trophies won't be wearing tiny hats
  1. Upon winning, no nominee will put earbuds in and start listening to 'This American Life'
  1. A crowd wave will not be started
  1. When asked 'What are you wearing?', no one will respond "A Hamburglar costume"
  1. No one will ask what they're not wearing, then wink
  1. You sure as hell won't find Ryan Seacrest blowing any bubbles (gum or otherwise)
  1. A leaked celebrity nude won't win 'Best Picture', as a joke
  1. 100 bucks says this YouTube clip won't play when Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1 is read as a nominee


  1. It's not gonna be outdoors this year


  1. Vendors won't pace the aisles loudly selling Ball Park Franks


  1. No one will bring Guy Fieri as their plus-one


  1. A clearly Japanese "Hurt Locker" will not win Best Foreign Film


  1. The entire show will not be a 3-hour long live re-creation of Godspell


  1. The Academy will be thanked, Pepperidge Farm will not


  1. No one will wrap their speech up early, simply stating "Diarrhea"


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