If you've glanced at social media for one second in 2015, you're aware that 2015 was the year they travel to in the movie Back To The Future 2, which means (as many of those same people pointed out) that we SHOULD HAVE HOVERBOARDS BY NOW!!! Sure, hoverboards sound cool, and clamoring for them feels fun and nostalgia-ey, but if they really existed, would you actually care? Here's 6 reasons why you almost certainly wouldn't:


To all the people online constantly declaring "It's 2015, where's my hoverboard???" -- You do realize skateboards exist, right? Do you have ANY remote interest in learning to use / enjoy skateboards? Or do you scoff at them and make fun of the weird subculture surrounding them? If you're most people on the internet who aren't directly interacting on skateboarding forums, we can pretty confidently guess which category you fall into.

But when those skateboards are slightly off the ground, you'll instantly take a sudden passionate interest in them? Ok.


You know how every time a new popular app or technological device comes out, you understand it a little less each time? And it gets really popular with people younger than you even though you don't totally understand why it's such a big deal even when you try to, then you give up and make fun of it and the generation that uses it?

That would obviously happen with hoverboards. Then you'd have to hoverboard around all slowly while teens are zooming past you and doing flips and shit.


Think of the learning curve that comes with learning to skateboard, surf, ice skate, or ski. Think of how many times you completely horribly wipe out when learning any of these things, even when you're taking it super-easily.

Now imagine those wipeouts are occurring several feet into the air over pavement as you're literally flying forward. Also factor in your current age and healing speed. Unless you're some supercool teenage Wolverine, you're signing yourself up for
imminent limb-breakage.


You know what's super fun? Jet Skis. You know what you don't own because they're $15,000? Jet Skis. Also, anything.

Do you really think Hoverboards would hit the market at like, $199? ($259 including the HoverCare warranty, which is a little steep but it's really worth it?) They'd be more like first-generation HDTVS: 10 million dollars apiece and only owned by your friend's weird dad.


Imagine the constant-glitchyness of any other form of technology -- phones, computers, Operating Systems, DVRs, Cable/Dish services, Google Glass -- only now, any time something stalls or freezes, you go hurtling forward into nothingness at thirty miles and hour?

Probably better to play it safe and wait til, like, Generation 9. By which point we'll just be having sex in Holodecks 24/7 and Hoverboards will be a quaint retro trend used only by the unicyclists of the 22nd Century.


Remember that one R.A. you had with the Wheelie Shoes? Or the Segway? Or with 5 different fedoras? Or the everpresent e-cig? Or the coordinated vests? Or any number of other quirky affectations they clearly made sure you noticed and ultimately defined them, particularly in sentences like "remember that one dumbass R.A. with the [fill in defining characteristic]?"

Well, guess what? If you had a Hoverboard, you'd be "The Hoverboard Guy/Girl." Bad? Not necessarily. But it definitely WOULD end up defining you and leaving you open to endless ridicule and ensuring that 7 years later you'd be catching up with someone at a party that you're now trying to hook up with saying the sentence "oh God, remember when I used to be super into Hoverboarding? Haha, so random right?? Anyway I'm normal now..."



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