Taylor Swift finally stopped pretending to be a country singer and has fully accepted her place as pop royalty with her new album 1989. For some reason, it's now socially acceptable to like Taylor Swift so we'll finally come out as the huge fans we've always been. That being said, we had some problems with the new album.
1. Can she really claim 1989?
She was born in December of 1989, and now this birth year will forever be associated with her EVEN THOUGH SHE WASN'T ALIVE FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH OF IT. Think maybe the fall of the Berlin Wall should get to keep this year to itself?
2. More snark, please.
Judging from titles like I Wish You Would and How to Get the Girl, we were expecting more tongue-in-cheek takedowns of selfish boys rather than the heartfelt advice that they turn out to be. EW GROSS SINCERITY, give us more that sassiness we love.
Even the angriest song, Bad Blood, is way more earnest that we would have liked. "Band-aids don't fix bulletholes?" We get your main demographic is 14 year olds, but come on, that's straight out of an emo LiveJournal post.
3. "How to Get the Girl" is shitty advice.
From what I understand of the song How to Get the Girl, Taylor's suggested method:
Kiss girl but then hurt girl.
Don't talk to girl for a long time. Don't give her any explanation why.
Six months later, stand outside her door until you are shaking from an illness acquired from being out in the rain.
Wait for girl to open door, when she will rightfully insult your mental stability.
Guilt girl into taking you back by showing her framed photos of good times you had together.
Propose using a bunch of cliches.
Done. Girl gotten.
Not a very effective tutorial on acquiring women. No one follow this.
4. Taylor Swift wears red lipstick. This is very important for some reason.
Is the song Style just about how well-dressed she is? T. Swizz has really nice clothes, but show don't tell please. Obviously having a song titled "Style" is calling out her former relationship with HARRY STYLES ~*SQUEE*~ but singing about her "red lip classic thing" and "tight little skirt" is totally also an ode to her own fashion sense.
In fact, she sings about her fashion an annoying amount:
Blank Space: "cherry lips" "dressed like a daydream"
Wildest Dreams: "standing in a nice dress" "red lips and rosy cheeks"
Clean: "like a wine-stained dress"
WE GET IT, SWIFTY. Dresses and red lipstick are kind of your "thing."
Humility ain't T.Swift's signature style (via YouTube)