You know those times when you're crushing it on the dance floor so hard that everyone wants to dance up on ya, and you're like "uhhh call me Neil DeGrasse Tyson babe, because I'd like some SPACE" but they just keep grinding their booty in a region of the dance floor that is adjacent to the region of the dance floor you are grinding YOUR booty on??

Here are a few cool moves that'll get them to back the eff off:


Contort your face as if you're painfully bearing down to defecate. Note: you might be doing this already, because sometimes it just happens when you really get in the zone, dance-wise. If that's the case, add some agonized grunts.


Doesn't matter what song is playing. Even if it's a slow funeral march, you hop and head-bang like a drunk teen in the front row of a Staind concert. Your dance partner will flee immediately to protect themselves from your flailing limbs. (If a funeral march really is playing, though, you're probably dancing at a funeral and that's inappropriate. Stop it. You're being very insensitive to the family of the deceased.)


Drop it real low, then pick it up. Then drop it again. Then pick it up. Then drop it. Are you even technically dancing at this point, or are you just doing one specific part of a 1987 Buns of Steel aerobics workout? No one knows. Mystery is sexy. And it will also make people want to grant you a wide berth on the dance floor, because you are probably a crazy person. 


Everyone's seen the boring old "jerking your arms around" robot, so this is your chance to take it to the next level by dancing like an ACTUAL ROBOT would dance. Stand motionless for ten minutes, then shudder once and fall over. Run into the wall and keep pushing against it like a character from a glitchy videogame. Yearn to understand love. If someone tries to touch you, beep at them angrily for 6 minutes.



Dancing is all about showin' off that thang, so take that to its logical conclusion by making sure you show off ALL of it. Like, let them really get a good look. Try to fart in their face if possible. 


Trust me on this one. People don't like it.


Granted, you might get thrown out of the club before that CRAZY WEIRDO stops dancing with you. But either way, problem solved!