The 19 Stages of Leaving Your Phone at Home
By Hallie Cantor
1. Oh shit. Oh shit. 2. It's probably at home. 3. I mean, it COULD have gotten stolen on that extremely crowded train. 4. Or it could've fallen out of my back pocket and into the toilet without my noticing. I mean, I would've heard a splash. Unless I did hear it and assumed it was a turd? 5. No, it's definitely at home. 6. Well this sucks. Now people are going to text me and I'll just look like an asshole for not responding. 7. Guess I can't listen to music now. 8. Or know what time it is. 9. Also what if I'm not exactly sure how to get to the bar I'm going to later? I'll have to LOOK IT UP on the COMPUTER before I even LEAVE WORK. Like in OLDEN TIMES. 10. And what if the friend I'm meeting at that bar is running late? I won't even KNOW they're running late if they text me, and I also won't have anything to look at while I wait for them. I'll just have to stare at the wall. Like a sad person drinking alone, instead of a cool person drinking alone and holding a phone. 11. I bet people were so much more punctual before cell phones. Like, when you said you were going to be somewhere at a certain time, you actually had to be there AT THAT TIME. 12. It was a better age back then. Maybe I'll just like, become a really responsible person who gets everywhere on time. 13. Yeah! This is so freeing! For once I feel liberated from the chains of technology! I would've just been staring at that stupid piece of plastic and refreshing all my social media accounts all day, but now I'm EXPERIENCING LIFE! Look at that...cloud! It's so...beautiful? 14. Oh my god, I'm so bored. 15. I wonder how many missed calls and texts I have. That's going to feel great, to see them all at once. 16. Although. It's going to be really depressing if I get home and have NO texts. 17. Would it be more depressing to have no texts, or one text from my mom? 18. Haha, that's pretty funny. I should text that to my friend right now. 19. Oh right.