Sabrina The Teenage Witch Names Her Cat

  1. Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda sit around the kitchen table. Sabrina enters, cradling a black cat in her arms.
  2. Aunt Hilda

    Is that a cat?

  3. Sabrina

    Yeah, I found him rooting around our garbage. Can we keep him?

  4. Aunt Zelda

    Well, I suppose every witch needs a black cat. Welcome to the family.

  5. Sabrina

    Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  6. Aunt Zelda

    So what do you think you're going to name the little guy?

  7. Sabrina

    Well, I really like the name Salem.

  8. Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda stare silently at Sabrina, their mouths agape.
  9. Aunt Hilda

    Sabrina that's disgusting!

  10. Sabrina

     I really like Salem. I think it's a cute name for a cat.

  11. Aunt Zelda

    Is that your idea of a joke, because it's not funny.

  12. Sabrina

    What's wrong with Salem?

  13. Aunt Hilda

    Do you know what happened at Salem, Sabrina?

  14. Sabrina

    Yes, but...

  15. Aunt Hilda

    Okay, so then tell me why the FUCK you thought it would be a good idea to name your cat after the location of the BIGGEST GENOCIDE IN THE HISTORY OF OUR PEOPLE?

  16. Aunt Zelda

    My Uncle Giles was at Salem, Sabrina. Wanna know what happened to him? He got fucking crushed to death. But no, you're right. It's a really cute name.

  17. Sabrina

     I thought it would be a nice tribute.

  18. Aunt Hilda

     A tribute? Really! Use your head Sabrina.

  19. Aunt Zelda

     If we were Jewish, don't you think it would go without saying that there a few places in Germany that would be off limits for cat names. But I guess since we're witches, people don't have to care about our struggle.

  20. Sabrina

    I just thought --

  21. Aunt Hilda

    No, you didn't. You never think. God. This is like the time you turned that girl into a pineapple all over again.

  22. Aunt Zelda

    You are so inconsiderate. You know this right here? This is why her father left her.

  23. Sabrina


  24. Aunt Hilda

    Just go, Sabrina. I can't even look at you right now.

  25. Aunt Zelda

    And take your stupid cat with you.

  26. Sabrina exits.
  27. Aunt Zelda

    God, can you believe that kid?

  28. Aunt Hilda

    It's this whole generation. You know,  we should really get back to our work finding a human host for the anti-Christ, because if you ask me, the apocalypse can't come soon enough.

  29. Aunt Zelda

    I agree. Hail Satan!

  30. Aunt Hilda

    Hail Satan!