Rex Ryan Announced QB Mark Sanchez Will Be Benched For The Jets Next Game

The Jets decided to bench their starting QB after a disappointing game/season/career/life. Starting in place of the Sanchize will be third-string QB Greg McElroy. The move came as a surprise to many fans, who were disappointed that backup Tim Tebow was passed over. "Him?" asked coach Rex Ryan. "I thought he was the team Chaplain. Can he play football?"

Utah State Crushed Toledo In The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

In a game that was billed as a shootout between powerhouse offenses, Toledo struggled to put points on the board and was handed a 41-15. To be fair, the Toledo team was under the impression that the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl was the latest flavor creation from the chefs at KFC, and were completely blindsided by the football game.

THE REF Sanchez, Tebow, and MORE - Image 1

Jeremy Lin Returned To MSG And Led Rockets To 109-96 Victory

Linsanity returned to Knicks home arena, MSG, and dropped 22 points on his former team, sending his Rockets home winners. The game was a sharp contrast to the last time I returned to MSG, when I consumed a big, sad bowl of Top Ramen in 22 seconds, and nobody went home a winner.

The Mets Traded Knuckleballer R.A. Dickey To Toronto.

As baseball's "Hot Stove" offseason continued, the Toronto Blue Jays sent two top prospects to the New York Mets for Cy Young Award winner R.A. Dickey. As part of the deal, Dickey was forced to legally changed his name to just "R." Dickey, so that Canadians fans could continue to call him, "R, eh?"

High School Basketball Star Jabari Parker Committed To Attend Duke

The standout small forward, who many characterize as the next LeBron James, finally announced that he will play college basketball at Duke next year. Experts expect him to win the hearts of fans in Chapel Hill but fall short of a championship, at which point he will hold an hour-long TV special and announce he is moving to the Miami Heat.

Football Happened:

  • *After Losing A 31-3 Lead, The 49ers Held On To Beat The Patriots*In the days following the game, it was revealed that 49ers QB had written a letter to himself in elementary school saying, "I hope I…go to the pros and play on the niners or the packers even if they aren't good in seven years." Adorable. Unfortunately, Tim Tebow's letter, which contained similar sentiments, remains unfulfilled.
  • *The Saints Beat TB 41-0, One Of Three NFL Week 15 Shutouts*Fully-grown men spent the week preparing for head-to-head battles, breaking down match-ups and figuring out the best game plan to score the most points and make it to the championship game. Many of those men play fantasy football. In real life, much more athletic men play actual football. In three of the games, it didn't really matter which group was on the field.
  • Adrian Peterson Ran For 212 Yards In A Vikings Win. Peterson, a registered weapon of mass destruction, is now 294 yards away from breaking Eric Dickerson's record for most rushing yards in a season, set in 1984. The feat is particularly impressive because Peterson tore his ACL and MCL on Christmas Eve in 2011. When asked about the recovery, Peterson winked and said, "It's a Christmas miracle!" Then laying his finger aside of his nose and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose, for a 14-yard gain.
    THE REF Sanchez, Tebow, and MORE - Image 2

The U.S. Soccer Federation Announced The Formation Of The National Women's Soccer League

The league will be the third women's soccer league formed in the US since 2000, succeeding the WUSA and the WPS. This time, soccer officials are banking on many casual watchers to mistake the NWSL for something NSFW, drawing in more viewers to support the sport.

The World Darts Championship Began

The darts tournament, which takes place in London, runs from December 14th through January 1st. "It's a long, grueling tournament," said Professional Darts Corporation chairman Barry Hearn. "These players come throw darts for two weeks straight, until a victor is crowned" At which point, of course, they go back to playing darts for fifty weeks straight.

Play of the Week:

This goal, by FC Barcelona's Adriano Correia, is your play of the week. Too bad "Bend It Like Adriano" doesn't have the same ring to it.