Last week, an official memo surfaced revealing the nitpicky rules and conditions for the presidential debates, as negotiated and pre-agreed upon by both candidates. But just in time for tonight's third and final debate, a few more rules have emerged.
- Neither candidate may "live tweet" the debate.
- Neither candidate may speak negatively about the other's clothes, weight, or "mama."
- The candidates shall not reveal any information regarding the plot of "Looper."
- The moderator shall not interject or interrupt a candidate's response with clips from any humorous internet soundboard (i.e. Howard Stern, Borat).
- Candidates may not toss candy into the crowd to woo voters.
- Candidates may not partake in a debate drinking game, unless rules are fully agreed upon beforehand.
- The moderator shall not be a dick about time.
- Candidates shall no longer be allowed a pen, pencil, or notepad during the debate. Instead, each candidate will be given a set of crayons and is permitted to draw on the paper tablecloth as they see fit.
- Neither candidate may move or gesture into the middle portion of the debate table, which has been deemed lava.
- No take-backs or calling fives.
- Neither candidate may play as Oddjob.