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Gym Terminology for People Who Just Started Working Out
By Alex Watt
-”Plate” -Noun -Definition: Weighted circle. -Usage: Yo, bro, you can’t just leave those plates there. - Image: A simple illustration of several circular weights lying on the floor -”The Zone” -Noun -Definition: An imaginary destination where people go to grunt and breathe heavily. -Usage: Sorry, dude, I’m sort of in The Zone right now. - Image: Another simple illustration of a dude bench-pressing a lot of weight. -”Spot” -Verb -Definition: The act of standing near someone working out with heavy weights while you check what time it is on your iPhone. -Usage: Hey, man, can you spot me real quick? My shoulder’s a bit sore, so... - Image: Same illustration from before, except now the guy is struggling to lift the weight. A guy stands next to him looking at his iphone. -”Ambulance” -Noun -Definition: A vehicle specially equipped to take people who overestimate how much weight they can lift to the hospital. -Usage: For the love of God, sir, please call an ambulance. Your iPhone is literally in your hand right now. - Image: A simple illustration of an Ambulance. -”’Ceps” -Noun -Definition: A cool thing to call your biceps brachii muscle in front of cute EMTs while flexing. -Usage: Ugh, I didn’t even get a chance to work my ‘ceps yet. -Image: The guy on the iphone flexing for an EMT. in the background two EMTs rush by with a stretcher. -”Negligence” -Noun -Definition: Law jerk talk for not paying attention to that stupid meathead, who happens to be a laywer, while trying to beat your Doodlejump high score. -Usage: Blah blah blah negligence blah blah blah you have to go to court or whatever blah blah blah. - Image: The person benchpressing is being carried away on a stretcher. he points at the person on their iphone and yells. A speech bubble above him shows a gavel. -”Jail” -Noun -Definition: Place you go when the only asset anyone can take from you is a gym membership. Like “The Zone,” but with fewer treadmills. - Image: Guy on phone being chased by a bigger prisoner with a shiv. Guy is sweating profusely.