Every guy has that special girl in their life that they know, but are still terrified to talk to. The one who they probably have a decent chance with, but just can't quite get up the guts to make a move. Guys of the world take heart! As terrifying as your Susan Glenn may seem, with a little bit of confidence you DO stand a chance.
The Top-Shelf Bartender
Who She Is: Maybe this is just the booze talking, but she's the best! She's always friendly and helpful and probably the most beautiful girl who ever existed and I just love her man I LOVE HER. [Starts silently weeping into empty pintglass].
Why She's Terrifying: Although you've been coming to this bar forever- the drunkenly dumb display above demonstrates the worst-case scenario for how bad things could go when you finally make your move. Not to mention she gets hit on every night by every guy that orders a drink. Don't worry, you're different. You tip 2 bucks per Cosmo.
Why There's Hope: They say alcohol boosts confidence, and confidence makes all the difference. Take a sip and make your move. Annnnd you fell on the floor. Oh well, try again tomorrow night, you degenerate.
The Piping Hot Barista:
Who She Is: Just like the Top Shelf Bartender, only instead of alcohol she's slinging caffeine, and instead of disastrously drunk you're just a jittery mess.
Why She's Terrifying: You're in her shop every morning, you see the way other guys look at here and you just have to assume they're asking her out all the time, only to have their heart ground up and thrown away like yesterday's beans. Just be sure to ask if they have soy milk. Girls can't get enough of guys who like soy milk.
Why There's Hope: Because everyone else is assuming the same as you she probably gets asked out relatively rarely. And if things do go terrible there are about 9000 other places to get coffee so there's really very little at stake.
The Best Friend's Sister
Who She Is: The name sort of says it all. He's your best budin the whole wide world. She's his seductive sibling. But hey, if you ever get married she'll have no problem with your choice of best man.
Why She's Terrifying: There's not only the chance that she'll shoot you down (and make fun of you while doing so), but the added bonus threat that your friend may beat you down when he learns that you've been harboring not-so-innocent intentions towards his immediate family. Can't think of anything more terrifying? Imagine his face on her body when you move in for the first kiss.
Why There's Hope: You've already hit it off with one member of thefamily, so chances are decent she already knows and likes you. As long as you're a gentleman and treat her with the utmost respect- hopefully your friend will recognize that you're a way better option than most of the other jerks out there. Then again, you'll never be able to contribute filthy sex stories with your buddies when he's around.
The Carefully Studied Classmate
Who She Is: While the teacher rattles off facts and figures, the only thing you're actually going to remember is the face of this classmate who you've secretly studied throughout the semester. Just remember for the scantron, the answer is always C for Caitlin.
Why She's Terrifying: She's not only absolutely gorgeous, she's demonstrated repeatedly that's she's way smarter than you. Flunking a test is one thing, but failing miserably in your attempt to ask out this classy classmate would devastate way more than you GPA. And let's be fair, your GPA is even weaker than your game.
Why There's Hope: You guys have plenty to talk about just reference the course guide for a quick refresher, or start by commiserating over how bad and boring your terrible teacher is. If that doesn't work, remind her that school is so stupid, then flip your desk over and walk out of class. Chicks always dig a badass.
The "Won't-You-Be-Mine?" Neighbor
Who She Is: She lives right down the street, but exists waaaay out of your league. Your best bet is to befriend the mailman and have him open all her mail so you can get the real inside scoop.
Why She's Terrifying: Although you will inevitably bump into each other at local destinations, the leap from the casual nod-and-smile to the first verbal contact can be a dizzying prospect. There's only one way to breach the gap: buy a puppy. Then train him to only poop on her lawn. If that's not a conversation starter, then we don't know what is
Why There's Hope: She wouldn't be smiling and nodding at you in the first place if there wasn't at least a glimmer of hope. She'd be avoiding eye contact and booking it just like you do when one of those guys with a clipboard asks for "a moment of your time." And things don't work out, at least you've got a puppy to raise for the rest of its miserable life.
The Spandex Clad Gym Goddess
Who She Is: She's the champion of looking amazing at your local sports club and those hours at the gym have obviously paid off. Well, for her. You're still a fat slob who aimlessly walks around the gym staring at girls.
Why She's Terrifying: You're not only unsure that you have a chance ofwinning her affection- you know you have no shot of winning a foot-race against her. You should really spend the next couple months getting in peak physical condition instead of wasting time gathering her sweat rags after an intenseride on the elliptical.
Why There's Hope: If you're seeing her so often it means you too are spending time at the gym and maybe in semi-decent shape. Like the saying goes, you can't win if you don't play, so just man up go for the gold! Actually, with your pecs, bronze is probably the safer alternative.