Law & Order: SVU

Writer: The show is all about sex crimes: incest, rape, and pedophilia.TV Exec: What are you, a pervert?Writer: Sir, I can understand your reservations, believe me, but all of our research indicates that viewers are looking for something darker, and well, more sex.TV Exec: OK, so now you think all Americans are perverts.Writer: That's not what I'm saying at all.TV exec: Look, there's nothing wrong with being a pervert.Writer: Actually, there is…TV Exec: Say it! Say you're a pervert, and you can have your show.Writer: I…I'd rather not.TV Exec: SAY IT.Writer: Ok, ok…I…I'm a per…a pervert.TV Exec: I knew it! Fine, you're approved for 13 seasons of your pervy little perv-fest. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a date with my sister.


Writer: It's about four hipster girls living in Brooklyn.TV Exec: Wait, and this ISN'T reality TV?Writer: No…you see, it's…it's more real than reality TV. It depicts what modern life is like for a lot of—well, for some— 20-somethings in an honest way.TV Exec: I just don't understand why we can't make this reality TV.Writer: There isn't any other show out on television like this, believe me.TV Exec: Fine. Will there be any black people in it?Writer: No.TV Exec: Good.

Next Caller Please

TV Exec: Ratings are at an all-time low. We need something that's going to revitalize the American people; the media landscape itself! And I know just how to do it.Writer: Wow. Sounds exciting! What do you have in mind?TV Exec: A gender comedy starring Dane Cook.Writer: …What?TV Exec: ABC is going to be all like, "double-you-tee-eff." Writer: Dane Cook?TV Exec: DANE COOK.Writer: …Really?TV Exec: FUCKING DANE COOK IN A FUCKING GENDER COMEDY. THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

Game of Thrones

Writer: It's like Lord of the Rings…TV Exec: Okay…Writer: But people die in every episode. TV Exec: Okay…Writer: And there's incest. Lots of incest. TV Exec: Okay..Writer: And midgets. And gay sex. And violence.TV Exec: Okay…Writer: Also, boobs. TV Exec: Boobs, you say?Writer: Boobs. Boobs flying in the sky, boobs in the hallways, boobs under beds. Boobs sprouting from the soil, boobs hanging off of tress, boobs reading books. Boobs on men, boobs on women, boobs on children, boobs boobs boobs. Boobs to the horizon's limit, and yet even then—more boobs.TV Exec: My God, that is genius! Why hasn't anyone thought of that yet? Get started on this at once.Writer: Of course, goodbye.TV Exec: Wait! Writer: Yes?TV Exec: Will there be any black people in it?Writer: No.TV Exec: Good.