This morning, the Supreme Court announced their decision to uphold the majority of President Obama's Affordable Care Act, including the controversial individual mandate, which will require nearly all Americans to purchase health insurance. Here to give their thoughts are some of our most prominent medical professionals.
Dr. Evil "This bill will help one MILLION people."
The Literal Doctor ("Arrested Development") "Looks like all of these people will be dead. After they live a lot longer."
Dr. Jekyll "Honestly, I'm a little conflicted about it. Part of me LIKES the individual mandate, and part of me just wants to fucking kill everyone."
Dr. Dolittle "GAH DAMN!"
Dr. House "Well at first I thought it was lupus but it turns out it was just an outdated, irrational healthcare system."
Doogie Howser "Kind of shocking that the bill still didn't say anything about a sixteen-year-old performing complicated medical procedures, but I won't argue."
Dr. Cliff Huxtable "Hippideebappideeboo!"
The Doctor (Dr. Who) "We've changed history today, but the Republicans' opinions remain a fixed point in time."
Dr. Farnsworth "Bad news everyone! I can't afford medicine anymore because of poor people!"
Dr. Nick "HI, EVERYBODY! WHO WANTSA FREE BRAIN SURGERY?!"
Hannibal Lecter "This is such good news, I could eat it right up. Just like my patients. And their brains. Which are now covered."
Dr. Hibbert "So many more sick people to deal with! Ahehehehehe!"
Nurse Joy "We hope to see more people here- everyone deserves to return to fighting fit!"
Dr. Mario "It's-a me! Your mandated health professional!"
Gaius Baltar "Romney is CLEARLY a cylon! You can trust me, I've believed in Obama since the very beginning and have no plans to betray him!"
Van Helsing "I live in Transylvania in the late 1800s. I literally have no idea what you're talking about."
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian "Say what? Even Janitor gets healthcare?!?"
Dr. Leo Spaceman "I don't know how to say this, but 'Ob-a-mac-ar-e.'"
Dr. Seuss "Oh, the places you'll go when you don't have to worry about preventative care coverage."