Dear Timmy,

I'm so proud of you. You are going to love kindergarten. Don't worry about leaving me for the day, I'll be waiting for you when you get home with cupcakes and hugs. Kindergarten is so exciting. You're going to meet so many new kids which is good because I think you need to make some real friends. Listen, I like Mr. Pollywog The Invisible Superhero just as much as you do, but maybe you should make a friend that will actually talk to you.

I know it's been hard for you these past few" well, actually your whole life. But don't worry; a lot of other kids have burns too. Maybe they won't cover %87 percent of their bodies like yours do, but they'll have them. Plus, that new ointment "Dr." Hank gave you seems to be working. It doesn't matter that it makes you pee your pants either. Plenty of kids pee their pants; it's nothing to be ashamed of. Normally though, they don't take their pants off and then pee on them" I could never figure out why you do that.

Listen, if the kids start asking about your Mom, you just say she's in the army or something. It's about time you knew the truth. Your Mom was a lady who just couldn't stay in one place" mostly because outstanding warrants and such. I met her one night at the homeless shelter where she was living at the time. She was the most beautiful street urchin I had ever laid eyes on. I gave her some soup and I saw something in her eye. I say eye because she only had one. I guess she lost the other one to a wolf somewhere in Maine. Anyways, I invited her home with me and we made you that night. When I woke up, she was gone" so was my wallet, my watch, and most of my silverware. But she repaid me with an even greater gift; you! Nine months later I found you wrapped in newspaper on my doorstep.

I wish I could have prepared you more for this day, son. I should have taught you how to read but the truth is, I don't know how either. We can learn together! I could have made more of an effort to be there for you but you know how hard it is for me. You'll learn someday" managing a strip club is a lot of work. There's the girls to take care of, rowdy clientele" here I go with the excuses again. I guess me never being home may have been a good thing for you: You can cook for yourself, take care of my bills, put out grease fires, etc" That's a lot more than the other kids whose parents were actually home can say.

You're a great kid, Timmy. I can't believe you're already starting kindergarten! It might be a little weird being 12 while all the other kids are 5, but you'll get by. I would have enrolled you when you were younger but I must have lost the forms or something. Plus, you don't have a birth certificate or social security number so that made it harder. Hell, who needs em? I lost mine when I did that prison stint in Guam and the government thought I was dead.

But enough about that, this is your big day! You're going to learn all about triangles and primary colors. Hell, you'll be twice as smart as me when you get home today. All I know about is restocking the tampon machine in the stripper's dressing room, breaking "over-friendly" customer's hands, and fudging the bar take to keep the Don happy. I can teach you all of that, but school is your ticket to better things. Maybe someday you could managed a real nice stripclub or even own one yourself!

I hope I'm not putting too much pressure on you, it's just that you have so much potential. Ever since you were a little kid and I would send you into the ladies room to take pictures of girls on the toilet, I knew you were gifted" you never got caught once! Timmy, I love you. I hope you have a great day at school and if anyone gives you trouble -about your burns, your homeless mother, the cheap gin I gave you for lunch, anything – you tell me and I'll take care of it. I love you, have a great first day!

Love Dad

PS. Always sit in the back of the bus" only faggots sit in front.