Thomas Holmes once wrote that you can never go home again. That's not true. You can go home, you just can't sleep in the same room as your girlfriend when you get there.

I had a ticket once with a stop over, but I wanted to cancel the first leg and drive instead with some friends. So they charged me extra because they said my cancellation made them lose money. Oh, I see – by returning something valuable and asking for no money back, I must have hurt you financially. And you wonder why airlines go out of business so often.

When you leave for break, you should plan on getting to an airport an hour or two before your flight, but plan on leaving three more hours before that. Because the last night before you go home, you are never in the condition to methodically pack everything you own. Or wake up.

Packing your parents car with your dirty laundry because you don't want to do it yourself does not make you lazy. Taking three bags of laundry home on the bus, that's a different story.

Some parents plan a dinner or snacks or something when you get back for the holidays and say it's for you but invite all of their friends and none of yours. Then you're surrounded by people you hardly know who are all pretending to be extremely interested in your major and telling you how much growing you've done while they talk to each other about their insurance plans. Weeeeeee.

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