For my 21st birthday, I went to Atlantic City, where I figured out the perfect system for winning at roulette. Come with me, and bet on everything I don't bet on.

Maybe winning at a slot machine is such a great feeling because you don't do it enough to get used to it.

Don't ever think that you've figured out a fool-proof system for winning at any game in a casino. These guys do this for a living. If there were a way to beat the odds, they'd change the odds. You know why they call them odds? Because if you go in thinking that you're actually the first guy to ever come up with betting on black five times in a row, well, that's pretty odd.

I wonder if people who play slots get excited when they vote. "Cherry! Cherry! Oh, Libretarian."

When I play poker with someone for the first time, I buy a case of beer. Sure, I spent a few bucks, but I'll win it back from the drunk guy that's betting $20 on a pair of twos.

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