Dear Grandma,

How are you? I hope you don't still miss grandpa; he's in a better place now. He just needs to start over in Florida and you need to give him his freedom. Anyways, don't worry about the divorce; we all support you and we're prepared to back that up in court.

On a brighter note, things here at Camp Wanapasakee are really good. I wish you could see this place, it's amazing. There is this huge lake that is fed by all the waste pipes from the city. I know, I know; it sounds disgusting. But my counselor told me that the water is filtered and that its good for the planet because we're not wasting water" we're recycling it.

Speaking of my counselor, he's the best. His name is Randy, but all the other counselors call him Bong. I don't really get his nickname but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that he plays the bongo drums. He's really into this band called Fish and he said he used to follow them all over the country and experiment with stuff. He wouldn't tell us what he was experimenting with but I bet it has something to do with plants because he is growing a bunch of them in his trunk. I don't know why he keeps the plants in his trunk but they really smell" maybe that's why. Sometimes the whole tent smells like it when we come back from lunch. I always know he's working hard because he falls asleep ALL THE TIME!

My tent-mates are really cool guys. They all know each other from school so I'm kind of the outsider. Sometimes I hear them doing things at night when they think I'm asleep. It sounds like they're trying to lift heavy things because they grunt a lot and then they talk about how sweaty they are and how "hard?" they are. I don't know? It's probably something from their school. They all have a lisp and that must be because they all come from New Hampshire. I guess people up there just talk like that???

The only bad thing is the bugs. There are mosquitoes everywhere! Plus, some of the other counselors were telling Randy that he left roaches lying around the dock but I haven't seen any. I hope they don't get into my tent. The only thing I've seen lying around on the floor are just a bunch of tiny pieces of burnt paper. I don't know where those came from but they definitely aren't roaches.

Oh, I almost forgot. I met a girl. She's 12 just like me and is from Long Island. Don't worry about me and her; she said she couldn't do anything serious because she is a pre-op. That must mean she's really religious or something which is fine by me. I just like having someone to hold hands and play football with. It's kind of embarrassing because she has a lower voice than me and is way taller. But I guess girls just grow faster than boys do.

Oh yeah, there is this really cool song we sing before we eat lunch and dinner. Randy taught it to us and it's the official camp Wanapasakee song. It goes like this; "Summertime is here again and you know what that means/ It's time for fun at camp and a whole lot of weed/ Getting shitty at the lake off Tom's four foot bong/ we're fried as hell straight to the skull as we sing this song/ Camp Wanapasakee we love you like a friend/ But when that cheeba's running low/ the summers got to end!" Randy makes us sing it for the other counselors and they all crack up. I don't get a lot of the song but I'm sure I will by the end of the summer.

I'm really excited because tonight some of the guys from the 14-15 year-old camp invited me to play ookie cookie with them. I don't really know what it is but they told me we all sit in a circle and there is a cookie in the middle and the winner gets to eat it. It sounds like a lot of fun. After that they promised to give me a swirlie which must be some kind of ice cream like a blizzard at DQ. Those guys are the best.

Well, I've got to wake up Randy and go meet the older guys but I hope you're doing fine and I hope the pills are working. We don't want you trying to stab the cleaning lady again! Write me as soon as they let you out of the asylum and say hi to my sister for me" it's been too long since I've visited her grave. I love you so much Grandma and I hope to hear from you soon.

Your Grandson, Kyle

Have a great weekend and be sure to get so drunk that your friends tie you up and suspend your drunk ass from the ceiling. Now some hotlinks…