At the Pearly Gates
Angel at Podium: Next!
The line moves up. A man steps forward.
John: Hi there.
Angel * referring to a large book *: Jonathon Robert Curtis, born May 1st, 1982 in Dallas, Texas. Is all of that correct?
John: Sounds right to me.
Angel: It says here that you died while saving both orphans and puppies from a burning building. How noble.
John * shrugs *: The fire department was taking too long to get there.
Angel: You pray regularly for others, you attend church most Sundays, and your infringements on the Ten Commandments only amount to occasionally swearing, 'God dammit.' Overall, you've lived a very good, albeit too short life. Everything appears to be in order…
John: Great! I can't wait to get in there! I mean, you always wonder who you would want to meet in Heaven and…
Angel: Woah woah woah. Slow it down there, cowboy. We haven't even checked your Facebook yet.
John: My…my Facebook?
Angel * opens up a golden Macbook *: That's right. Heaven isn't stuck in the 20th century you know. We have the internet up here too.
John: Well okay, but…I just don't see how my Facebook is relevant here.
Angel: We just need to see how many Pro-Jesus posts you've made.
John: Wait? That matters?!
Angel * shakes his head *: Tsk Tsk Tsk…This isn't looking good. You have plenty of pictures of the food you've eaten, but none about how God has changed your life.
John: Now wait just a min…
Angel: You don't "Like" God, Jesus, or the Bible. There's not even any re-posts of any of our threads. Some of your friends have done it though. See that? They aren't ashamed of their love for God. Are you?
John: Of course not! Are you saying that just because I didn't clog up my friend's feed bragging about my blessed life and my love for Jesus, I'm a bad person?
Angel: Well…the posts don't lie John. I'm afraid you'll have to spend some time in our newest room in Purgatory.
John: Which is?
Angel: The Room of Those Who Don't Annoy the Hell Out of Their Friends on Facebook.
John: I can't believe this.