Reggie Bush:
Matt-a-tat-tat what's up brother! Haven't heard from you in a while, just thinking I'd check in, see how things were going.How's Arizona? You get out to see any Suns games since they got the Big Diesel? The Hornets still in first place in the Wild West- crazy eh.CP3 for MVP! Haha….So…I heard you had a little get together at your crib…actually I saw some pics. Looked pretty fun…guess it wasn't really a big thing since you didn't call me. Anyways, just checking in to see what's up. Hit me back.

Matt Leinart: Yooooo Reg! Good to hear from you bro. Honestly, I haven't been following the NBA as much as I wish, just so much going on. Been real busy with training, you know how it is. So…you saw those pics…can't believe the big deal people are trying to make about them, right? Honestly, that was no biggie…not even a party even, just a regular old Tuesday night at Matt's, you know how I do. So…don't get mad or anything about not getting an invite, it just kinda happens, the girls show up, we kick back, relax, nothing planned. Plus, it's not exactly like I've heard alot from you since you got together with Kim. Take it easy, bro.

RB: Oh, come on Matt, you don't have to play me like that. Kim's cool but it's not like I'm whipped or anything. I can come out and chill when I want to. So…those girls in the pictures, they regulars or just somethings you picked up for the night? Don't forget about your boy. I hope you're still not mad about me taking that second Heisman from you. Hahaha, just playing. Peace.

ML: Hey, don't worry man, when I throw a real party I'll be sure to invite you and the Mrs. As for those girls, I just met them when I was out, they knew who I was, so they came back to the spot for some beer bongin' and hot tubbin'. The life of a single, rich, handsome, quarterback has it's privileges, doesn't it. Not that you'd know. Ohhhhh, gotcha good buddy!

RB: Reggie Bush don't have any Mrs. and don't you forget it! Hope you're enjoying the good life. The type of good life you can only get from being the second pick in the draft…oh wait…that was me. At least you were the first quarterback…oh wait, what, there was another QB taken before you? That must suck.

ML: Hey, Reg, you're welcome. For what? For staying that extra year in college when I could have went FIRST overall in the draft the year before! So, I guess you can send that Heisman that you never would have won without me over to my place. I'll put it above the TV so I can look at it whenever I watch Brandy's little brother give it to your woman.

RB: Two words. Paris Hilton. Click.

ML: Oh yeah, that reminds me, you do everything after I've already done it! I won the Heisman, then you did. I date a spoiled, rich, sex-tape celebrity, then you do. Now you're trying to hang out with me so you can score some hot, young Arizona poon! How bout, get your own life buddy! Try a little originality!

RB: Yeah, my girlfriend made a sex tape, big deal. It's not like your girls are all pure virgins when you get to them. And Kim is way hotter than Paris. It's simple as that. Or should I say, sim-plex. As in herpes. Everybody knows Paris has them. How's your D, Matt?

ML: Yeah, and Kim Kardashian is a friggin princess. Her hole is so big even you could run through it. Is Deuce McAllister first on her depth chart too? Say hi to Deuce for me, while you're sitting behind him on the bench!

RB: You should know something about big holes. Like the ones your offensive line leaves open so you can get sacked 15 times a game. Hope you have fun getting concussions and living the rest of your shitty life with brain damage.

ML: At least I'm not afraid of contact, and run out of bounds before I get hit. I mean, you would do that…if you played.

RB: Hey, Kim just told me that she talked to Paris, and Paris said you're a fag.

ML: Hey, just talked to Alex Smith, you know, the quarterback I would have been drafted first over if you wouldn't have cried for me to come back to school. You must remember him from high school. He said you like to pull some majorly gay locker room stunts. I hear you were the king of sneaking up behind guys and plopping your junk on their shoulder. Weird, I hear that's how a lot of guys pick up Kim.

Hahaha, but for real though that is a great prank. I actually did pick up Kim that way. She just can't resist a shoulder-dicking. For real man, let me know next time you're having a party. Where the white women at? Haha, just playing. But not really.